25th AUG 04 WED. 2339Hrs
A TIME TO LET GO
Today started off pretty quietly. It started raining in the morning and boy what a big rain that was. Thunder and lightning. Been awhile since i last saw it rain this way. I was at home, re-installing all the programmes that were lost a few days ago when my comp crashed on me. fixed up the wires and stuff. Then i had to go off to work at Jurong. When i got there, i almost had an heart attack. My workers never turned up for work. And i had 8 FULL PALLETS of Timber range LAMINATED floor boards to MOVE. I tell you. NEVER EVER EVER employ BAGLADESHES if you can help it. Sheesh. (and they complain they dun get paid to the newspapers every now and then). Anyway i was left to move the stock all alone by myself. I did what i could untill i had no more strength left. (Hey... not bad liao hor... i cleared 3 pallets hor....)
I got back home tired, smelly and sticky. And i haven't even had my dinner. Go figure. Maybe it's because i have too much inside me emotionally that i needed to immerse myself with work. A few days ago, i thought i had lost a friend. Someone whom i, well...... treated MORE then a friend actually. But suprising things do happen i guess. This friend actually took some time to speak to me. Apparently, he read my blog and thus realised that i am gay. He felt it was awkard to talk about this "issue". But we managed to iron things out. He conceeded that there is now a barrier in our already not so smooth "friendship". As i have expected. But he did show alot of maturity in the sense that he still took as much time as he could to explain to me his views and why he feels things will be different now. I guess he never figured out why it mattered to me that i would "lose" him as a friend. If he only knew. I guess that would be the last i ever hear from him. LOL. Anyway. I have spent much thing contemplating. I have come to the conclusion that perhaps it was just not meant to be. I was never meant to recieve any accpetence nor emotions in this life. I have to always be the giving person. Perhaps. Or perhaps thats just what reality is. The hard fact of life. "The greatest gift you can give to the person you care about is to let the person go". I think i can truely understand the meaning of it now. Now that everything is over and done and said... is it even possible for us to even remain AS friends?
I told him i will not sms him anymore, since he dislikes it so much. I guess i can only wish him well.... Meanwhile.... i still have my phone's wallpaper to look at everyday...........
Meditation time
EarlGrey
(heavy hearted)
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