March 20th 05. Sunday 11:39pm
It's another year. In 21 Mins i will be 25 years of age. Wow. A full 25 years. And what do i have to show for it? Zip. Total nothingness. Not a badge to my name, not a feather to my cap. This is also the time where i really think about life. This may very well BE my last B'day. Who knows. If cancer dosen't strike me down.... maybe a car will, or perhaps even a bus. Who knows. But then, i come to realise one thing.
I am BLESSED.
Dun get me wrong. My time is almost up on this earth, My current job is shaky, i dun earn enough to maintain my bills, i broke up with my family, i lost a big assignment with MediaCorp due to my... medical condition, and i'am practically penniless.
Yet, I am BLESSED.
Because i have the most expensive thing a man could ever want.
I held a gathering on the 19th March. Many people said they would come. In the end, only 6 people turned up. SIX. where my phone book has 100+ numbers, only 6 showed up. Blessed? have i lost my mind?
No. Because i saw sincerity in those who came. My best friend Collin. so many years.... and he never failed to at least show me he cared. He brought his boyfriend over and smooched in front of me..... i almost slapped him. But the thing is... he BOTHERED to come. Another was David. Yes... good old David. what to say? we are so different... yet, strangely, so much alike. In the end, he really tries his best to show he cares.
And then there was this person who touched me the most. WEI HAO.
All the way from Serangoon he came. And stayed on till he simply couldn't anymore. They might not know it, but they gave me the most expensive gift of all:
I many be the poorest person on earth.... i may be so poor that i have to sleep on the streets... But, one thing that makes me the most wealthy? Is that i have friends. No matter how small in numbers, i know that somewhere out there, someone thinks of me.
That's all that a dying man needs.
Sadly, a dying man also has many dreams he has to leave behind. i dun really care about money anymore. It's never mine to covet anyway.
i think about the people i love. the people that means something to me. My sister, Allan, Mingzhe, Collin, Boon Yong, Lester, Eddie, QinAn, Jayang, Julius, Weihao.......
Amongst these, a few whom i deeply love. Still do, and never will change.
But people cannot accept. They reject. it's wrong..... no future in it.....
But all i ever wanted was someone whom i can just... Love. Just someone who can share my joys with me, feel my pain with me. Someone whom i can hold, and touch, and KNOW is there. IS that SO WRONG????!!!!!!
But, I will never have it now would i? Who would accept someone like me? the same as who would accept a dying man whose lungs are almost gone due to cancer?
The only thing i wanted was to spend good quality time with the person i love.
Even that, i can never have.
Yes. I'am blessed.
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