Monday 18th July 05 1105pm
My dog Oscar passed away due to internal bleeding on Saturday. When i heard the news from my sister, i couldn't help but feel guilty. Oscar was MY pet. My best friend for all those years he was alive. I had to unfortunately leave him due to my family problems. I could not take care of him by myself. I could neither provide for him financially or personally. I was simply unable to. But Oscar was already old. His white beard was already showing. In the end.... i didn't even manage to be there for him when he breathed his last.
I am a bad owner.
Oscar, i hope that you could find it in your heart to forgive me for letting you down. I'am sorry Oscar. Please. Forgive me.
On my personal front, I managed to get a job as a Junior Executive in a Government Organisation. The pay is not fantastic, and it's only a temp job that is daily rated. However, it is also a 8 - 5 job, leaving me enough time for me to give Tuition after work. It's also a 5 days a week job. With the pay from this day job and my Tuition fees, i may finally be more stable in my monies and begin paying off my various debts.
I am also planning to rent out my 2 rooms at home. At least, let the house pay for itself.
All these may be considered "good" in the sense that i have finally gotten myself a job. But problems in the real world is not that simple is it?
I may have to give up my Aikido because of my work commitments.
AGAIN. After going back to my favourite Martial Arts after a 10+ year's absence, i have to face the possibility of stopping my training AGAIN.
No. I REFUSE to give up. there must be SOME way i can make it work.
And i am STILL lonely as hell. Is there anyone out there that is meant for me? Or.... am i just fated to talk to my own shadow, and see the people i love and care about walk away from me?
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