Friday, December 16, 2005

Friday 16th DEC 05 10:00pm


Recently, i have been feeling very down, sad, dissapointed. I do not really know WHY or HOW. But i DO know that i have felt those emotions and it really taxed me out alot. Now that i finally feel abit better, and have some time to blog, let me see if i can go through things one by one.

Since my last entry, things have been going down hill. Perhaps it's because i'am still quite dissapointed with the conclusion of my Year-End gathering. I have recently written that i have taken up a new type of Martial Arts. Sports Chanbara. Basically this Martial Art is a Competition sport. What happens is that you will face off with your opponent with a face mask and an air sword. The intention is for you to strike at any part of your opponent FIRST. If you manage to do that, you win. Sounds easy? That's what i thought too. My first lesson on Monday was HORRIBLE. After the training session i was feeling sore ALL over. My back, my legs, my arms, everywhere. I thought that i could vent some of my fustration with Chanbara. Now don't get me wrong. I'am not a violent person. But since Chanbara allows you to hit out at another person in a safe, controlled manner, why not make use of it right? But since i was only a newbie, it ended up that i got trashed instead. With the bruises to prove for it. Needless to say, i was feeling even worse off then ever.

Tuesday, i was supposed to have a full day of fliming for a show for Mediacorp. I had to wake up at 5am as the time they booked me was at 7. I reached there, waited awhile then was brought to some temple at Yishun. And then comes the sucky part. I waited there for almost half the day and in the end what happens? They decided they didn't need me to flim after all.

I WASTED HALF OF MY BLOODY DAY and THIS is the thanks i get? Anyway, they still had to pay for my services even though they didn't need me. But the money is really not the point. The point is, i could have done something more productive with my time instead of sitting at some temple waiting for the sky to drop. I was feeling even more irritated then. And my body is STILL aching. Got back home, then had to wash my Martial Arts Gi for training the next day. After washing my Gi, felt really really horrible because the strain of washing my Gi manually must have aggrevated my already aching body. I couldn't take it anymore so i had to get to bed and rest.

Wednesday came and i was supposed to meet up with WeiHao at Kovan. He took the WHOLE morning to sms me the time he wanted to meet up with me. Ended up we could only meet up at 3pm. ANOTHER HALF A DAY WASTED. Anyway we got to the magic shop at Kovan and actually learnt the Spoon Bending trick. We spent a couple hours more at the shop getting "bullied" by those little kids that showed off their really amazing card tricks. I then decided that i needed to go to HQ again for training and some adminstrative stuff. WeiHao kindly agreeded to accompany me there, even though it's way out of where his house is. When we reached HQ, i realised that i was actually late for the lesson. Meaning, i could not see WeiHao off. I was feeling SOOO Bad that i had to leave him high and dry to go all the way back home alone. Blame it all on my bad sense of timing. It was made worse when WeiHao very polietly waved my concern away and said he would just make his way back home himself and that it was no trouble at all.
Great. He accompanied me all the way to my HQ and ended up he had to make his way back home himself. Good Work James. Felt really horrible again. Aikido training was not fantastic either. There was this set of twin brothers. FAT, young kids who just couldn't seem to leave me alone. One of them is a brown-belter and INSISTED on partnering me during training. Trying to show off his skills, no doubt. And when i didn't fall when he did his techniques, he complains that i am making things difficult for him. Please. He is a Brown-Gold belter. If i cannot even FEEL his techniques at all, why the hell should i fall? Not as if he's some white belter that dosen't know ANYTHING at all. Really. KIDS

Thursday was the worse day. Julius KEPT calling me, in the morning, even in the afternoon. He demanded his MP3 player back, saying his parents are very angry at him over this matter. I mean, i was aching all over, and i needed to go down to HQ to settle the grading issues for our Dojo THIS WEEKEND. Already i was feeling very horrible. And then Julius came and DEMANDED that i give him back the player on that day.

That was when i totally lost my patience. I raised my voice at him over the phone and told him my stand. I suppose he was quite thrown off by my outburst and suddenly became less demanding on the issue. But he was still persistant. I was really feeling like giving him a piece of my mind. In the first place, i have already told him i am not really for the idea of buying his player from him when i found out it was a birthday present from his parents. I mean, who sells of a birthday present? from their OWN parents no less? Second, i have already told him in the beginning that i really dun have the money to buy his player. He kept begging me to buy it from him, even saying that he will even accept installments from me. So, stupid me agreed to get the player from him. And my troubles came roaring in. Thirdly, when it turns out that his parents became very furious with him for selling off his present, i have already made attempts to return him the player. But he was always not free because it was near his O levels exams and since we live so far away, we just could NOT meet up.

And NOW he calls me up when he panicks and DEMANDS his player back. I was totally Furious. And he has the Audacity to call me up REPEATEDLY at 1+ am in the morning!!!!!!!! Let me ask you. How can ANYONE be able to stand THAT? Not only that, i was already quite stressed bacause there were 4. FOUR new students in our aikido class. That means, i have to collect money, and make ANOTHER trip down to HQ AGAIN to collect uniforms for the newcommers. And THEN you add in Julius' INCESSENT calling.

HOW do you think YOU will feel about that?

But the next day i woke up, i thought about it. Really, it's not all Julius' fault. I suppose as an adult, i should have been more sensitive to his stand. He is, after all, still under the command and control of his parents. When they press him, he has no choice but to press me too. Really, i am sure he is feeling sucky about the whole issue too. And i really should not have raised my voice at him like that. I really hate to quarrel with people over things like this. Especially people who are close to me. He did ask me if i was very angry at him. Bless his soul. He was actually afraid to look at me face to face when i met up with him this afternoon at Toa Payoh MRT station. I wanted to tell him i was REALLY angry at him. But then again. Would it have changed all that has happened? the arguments? The irritation that was felt? No. It wouldn't. Instead of making things more sour and lingering, i just said no.... and told him i needed to take some blame too. Which, technically, is true.

Not only this, my little brother had some problems with his comp at home, and he is the type that panicks and gets very irritated when things are not going his way. And who does he decide to call to solve his problems? ME. Ended up, he carted my CPU and Monitor back to his home. And he took my Zen Neon MP3 Player too. And my Aikido Junior who also happens to be my neighbour, called me up to come over to my place to play my laptop because his comp has CRASHED.

Why is it that people only remembers i am around when they need help? Why can't they remember me for simple things like coffee? dinner? an outing? a movie?

It's like somebody threw pandora's box at me.... and OPENED the bloody thing at my face.

Now..... Why, do you think i am feeling so horrible these few days?

Can anyone tell?

wait..... Does ANYONE even CARE?


EarlGrey blogged @ 9:55 PM | archives

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James Lee Ng
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6th Kyu (Blue Belt) 27th March 05.
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