Friday 2nd DEC 05 11:40PM
LIMIT BREAK
These few days i have been feeling very lousy. I get these giddy spells and i can't seem to control my emotions or temper very well. It could be that my Exams are in DEC, during the month where most people in Singapore are CELEBRATING whereas i am stuck mugging for an examination.
SHIT.
I did not last very long during my like Aikido training at HQ either. I was just feeling too lousy. Couldn't find the energy to continue with the techniques. And they were VERY easy techniques. Almost BASIC level. And I COULD NOT DO IT WELL. What's happening? What going on with me?
And i seem to be always saying the wrong things at the wrong time. BoonYong flared at me. My neighbour didn't even WANT to meet up with me. Nothing is going my way. Even my brother who lives just a few blocks away didn't want to meet me for supper. WHAT THE HELL.
I sent out many SMSes today and true to what i have written earlier, none replied back. Well. What can i expect right? And just when i thought things could NOT get any worse,
IT DID.
BoonYong was talking to me on MSN. He was just back from a band concert so understandbly he was tired and quite irritable. So he lashed out on me. That is all fine and dandy but he just HAD to go a step further and bring in LeeChuan. I was already quite sore with the LeeChuan issue and just wanted to move on with it and HE HAD to scratch on old wounds again!!! Worse, he made it sound like i was going after LeeChaun. I mean, COME ON!!!
FOR THE LOVE OF PETE!!!!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE NOWADAYS!!!! Yes, so i DID admit that i am gay. Does that automatically mean i will go after EVERY SINGLE BOY/GUY/MAN i see in my life???!!!!!! SILLY LITTLE KID!!!! And then when i put it very clearly to him that i am NOT trying to woo LC (My GOD..... LC..... you gotta be kidding me.....) what does he do? HE GOES AROUND AND SAYS I AM INDIRECTLY TRYING TO WOO HIM!!!!!
OMG. OMBGBG!!!!!!
This is totally IRRITATING!!! I PAID for his Aikido class. I BOUGHT him his HANDPHONE, i PAID for his bloody Yearly Membership BECAUSE i treat him as my little brother. just as my own flesh and blood brother. At the end of the day, "You must be trying to woo me lar right!" WHAT THE BLOODY SHIT IS THIS?????!!!!!!!
I never asked him to repay me for anything i do for him. The handphone was a christmas gift, The Aikido class was because i wanted him to try out for himself how Aikido can help him, because i have personally found it a very good art to practice. All these i have done for him without MOTIVE, without a sinister plan in my head to bed him or rape him silly in some dark alley corner
For crying out loud. I know that my lifestyle is different, at the end of the day i am ALSO human. I am just a simple person who wishes to do something for my younger peers what i mayself never had the good fortune to when i was growing up.
A FRIEND to turn to, and SOMEONE who can BE THERE FOR THEM WHEN THEY NEEDED IT.
AS SIMPLE AS THAT!!!
And at the end of the day, where did it get me?
Look, people. If you guys have a problem with me being gay, THEN TOO BAD. I really do NOT need fake people going around proclaiming to be my friend or understanding me just because i so HAPPENED to be around.
EVEN IF I WAS GAY, i will not change who or what i am for anyone for anything.
I want to get this very clear. I have had ENOUGH of this. REALLY.
If you think that you and your bloody straight asses are too good to be my friend, or that "people" like me are the demons or creatures from hell with sinister motives at the back of our heads then DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR.
LEAVE.
Go away, walk off. Go be happy and make merry with the other straight people out there. get a wife, screw her, have children and die a family man.
LEAVE. LET ME KNOW SO I CAN DELETE YOUR NUMBER FROM MY HANDPHONE.
EarlGrey
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