Thursday, December 01, 2005

Thursday 1st DEC 05 1:35AM


I have just learnt a very expensive lesson on Wednesday night. A lesson that perhaps people like myself have taken for granted more often then not. Words are very powerful weapons. Words can create or end wars, words are used by witches and other magical beings to cast spells. Words are used for examinations and even songs that can touch people's souls. Words can create friendships. More so, words can break those very friendships too. A wrong word spoken here, a missed word unsaid there. It all makes or breaks a person.

I made that mistake. I said the wrong words at the wrong time, at the wrong place. In the end, my actions could very well cost me two friends, Juniors of mine with whom i truely care about. I make no excuses for my actions. I erred and i have to accept the repercussions thereafter. I can only hope that whoever i have offended/pissed/frightened off can forgive me, and give me a chance to make sure that same mistake never repeats itself again. Actually, come to think of it, i HAVE taken certain people for granted in my life. I am not perfect, i never claimed to be. And sometimes, a person gets so caught up with him/herself that he/she forgets that there are other people out there.

It happens, even to the best of us. How many people have YOU taken for granted in your lifetime? Your parents? Your friends? even people that you dun even KNOW is there just trying their best to connect with you?

I have.

It's always easier to think "he thinks too much", "Small thing only, so drama for what?" and then justify our ill-placed word or words without a blink. But then again, when it happens to US, how DO we react? With the same nonchalant attitude we expected? Quite the contary i'am afraid. We start to question, we start to feel hurt, unappreciated, angry, frightened, etc etc. And WHY such a reaction?

Because we react to information given by the other party. One person comes up and gives you a sinister smile and says "I'am gonna bash you up." To the other party, he/she may just have been pulling your leg. But to you? HELL NO! the point is, you are NOT him/her. How does one KNOW for sure if the words said by the other party is real or fake?


So the only action we can do is REACT.

And that's where the damage comes in. After a misunderstanding occurs, and the damage done, Would any amount of "sorrys" and "I really didn't mean it" erase what has ALREADY been said or done? You answer this yourself.

I have to admit, I have been taking out my anger and fustrations on people i know. Not TOO much, but i still do. I have used Julius as a punching bag for myself at times. He knows it. And i kid you not, he punches back too. But in the end, he still makes effort to ask me how i am. For that, i am truely grateful. But why do i write this in my blog?


I want my blog to not just be a website address where my readers come and read about my daily life in and out. Heck, i dun even have the energy to update my blog everyday. It will get boring and monotomus. Rather, i want my blog to have depth. To have entries that expresses not just MY life, but ME. My thoughts, My Hits and Misses in life. My pains and joys. Make it interesting to the 5 faithful readers (judging by the tagboard entries) i have. It's the least i could do yeah? But enough of beating about the bush. There is a reason (like, DUHZ) why i write this blog entry in the first place. Firstly, if you have been sleep-reading my blog up till now, you will realise that the first paragraph highlights the reason why i wrote what i did in this entry. Second, after the incident that happened on wednesday (Again, read the first paragraph of this entry if you are STILL clueless), It really set me thinking about what i have done to myself. Have i been in control of myself? have i proven my worth as a good, trustworthy friend to people?

The answer?

Simply, i do not know. How could i? A mirror can never judge itself. Just like how can a person decide if he/she is good enough for any other person? in that line, how could he/she think they are higher or lower status to people?

When i was younger, i used to hate those adults who think they are always right. Me, as a young boy must ALWAYS be wrong. It's like there is some kind of heavenly book that states so for ALL Children/Teenagers. And if, by some act of god, it turns out that i was right after all, What do i get for all my troubles? NOT EVEN A SORRY, or even "OK, YOU ARE RIGHT". The adults ALWAYS seem to have a way turn their own incompetence into something that was MY FAULT. Don't you just HATE it?

But then again, as a teenager now, or even a young adult, how would you feel if you had to apologise to a younger person that has just proven you wrong. Yes, you may say "Just apologise lor". But trust me, It's easier said then done. We humans have something called PRIDE. even when we KNOW we are wrong and the other party KNOWS we KNOW we are wrong, we will NEVER admit it.

And then adults go around asking why are kids turing so rebellious nowadays.

My question is: WHY NOT? whatever the kids do nowadays is deemed WRONG ANYWAY to adults. What other outlets do you think they have?

But for ME personally, i believe everyone should be treated equal.

On that note, LeeChuan, Julius, Wei, Lester and Eddie and all those that i know, I would like to say this.

If ever, i had said/spoken/sung/written/spitted/doodled/shouted/screamed/threathened/joked about anything before that made you uncomfortable, I Sincerely apologise and i seek your understanding and forgiveness. Sometimes we lose ourselves. It is those people around you who cares enough that pulls you back up.

I will NEVER want to lose those people in my life.

Again, i am truely sorry. Truely.

Somethings are better said now, before time runs out. By then, all the regrets and talking in the world would be too late isnt it?


EarlGrey blogged @ 1:34 AM | archives

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