Sunday, January 22, 2006

Sunday 22nd JAN 06 11:30pm

MONCENTRIX

There is something that i feel i must write down in my blog, if only to prove to myself later that i have really thought carefully about it, should any thing go beyond what i have forseen.

Basically as most of you know, i am on walkabout. In these few weeks, i have made an attempt to interact with my peers, as well as my Juniors. Purpose is to see if there is something that i have missed or lost in my years of growing up. I have also made an attempt to observe more things around me. But first and foremost, i need to explain alittle bit about what and how my walkabout was done, and of course, the result of that particular activity.

Now, sometimes in life anyone of us might have a time where we feel lost. Maybe something happened in school, work or at home, you suddenly feel you have lost sight of what you are doing. You feel lost and confused. You need a direction to be pointed out to you. Some people may turn to their own elders like an older sibling, parents or even, in MOST cases, their own friends whom they feel they can trust alot. But what about for people who are head-strong, like me, who cannot find myself asking another person for help. True, i MAY have spoken about my problems to other people before and bitched about it. WHO DOSEN'T? BUT, the point is, i NEVER made it into a "pls help me" story. Rather, it's a "Please learn from my experience" story.

Then, one may ask, HOW and WHERE do i look for directions? For me, i look for signs that the powers that be will show me directly or indirectly. And, this might come as a suprise for anyone reading this. There are sometimes when i am really stuck, i will cast a "wayseeker" spell. Now before you go all "YEAH... SPELL!!!! RIGHT!!!!", You of course can choose not to believe me and think of me as a nut case. However, i only ask that you respect ME, and my beliefs. In my religion, we cast spells. In other religions, they call it prayer. So... go figure.

And really, my wayseeker spell is really powerful and real. The best part is, it's easy to remember and anyone can use it. You dun even need to be a witch or magically inclined person to benefit from it's effects. Anyone who wishes to use this spell need only come and ask me, and ONLY by word of mouth, will i pass you the incantion. No pressure har. You dun believe me, dun use it. Don't approach me for the spell. Anyway, what this spell actually does is to give you certain markers or signs to your problems, it's also powerful enough to make events that are related to your question at hand happen, so that you can learn from that incident and hopefully make your own informed decision. Be warned though. As with ANY SPELLs, DO NOT Abuse it. Use it ONLY when all other options seems lost to you.

Why have i brought this issue to talk about then, you may ask. Because, in these few months, i have casted this spell 3 times. This spell has lead me to learn of BoonYong's backstab of me, It has lead me to knowing 2 other person, WHO, even as young teenagers, are subject to verbal, emotional and even physical abuse. It has also lead me to see that in this world, like it or not, Money is the highest qualification that people are looking for. Who CARES about how high you have studied or how good your certificate is. In the real world, it's the money that counts. If you have money, you can have the education of a pri 4 kid. Yet, people will still call you a great mentor and listen to your every word. Inversely, You can have a bloody PHD, but if you got no money..... you might as well sell your cert to the karang guni for some cash to buy a slice of bread right? At the end of the day, why DO people want to study soo hard and get that good certificate? TO EARN MORE MONEY that's why. In the end, MONEY is the thing that makes this world what it is.

I saw and understood ALL these... by way of my wayseeker spell. Now, i'am not saying you should go "WOW....... THIS IS SOME DEEP SHIT!!!!" nono. dun be mistaken. This spell has worked for me. It may very well work for you too. who knows, right?

I have now decided that for this new year, i will make an attempt to make up with my mother. Hopefully i will be able to live with them as a family once more. I see this in a practical view. True, they ARE very rich people, AND, i HAVE written in my earlier posts that i will NEVER bow down to them because of money. But sometimes, things happen for a reason because that's just it. the "REASON". I casted my wayseeker spell today as i was still struggling over my decision to move back in. I was half watching TV at that time, i put it on "MUTE". I chanted the spell, i sat down on my couch, somehow i sat on the remote and pressed the mute button. These Words filled my ears. "Don't ask WHY i am doing this kid. This is an opportunity. An opportunity that many would want but would never get. Don't CARE for the reason behind it. You have this thing now. What are you gonna do about it?"

I blinked for a few moments. Then i realised that i was supposed to hear those words. True, in effect, if i go back to them, I am as good as a sold product. or, as least, i personally feel so. I will have to take all their insensitive comments and in every sense of the word, i believe strongly that i will NOT ever be happy. But this goes beyond me now. I DO have friends outside now. By accepting the old man's money and support, i can see my OWN dreams being fufiled. Promises that i have made before to my friends i can keep, maybe even help a few friends along in the future, with jobs and whatever things that may come.

BoonYong also suddenly asked me this on MSN today, "Hey, if you go back and take over your mother's company, you let me work for you ok? hahaha". Why would he suddenly ask me such a thing? Co-incidence? Well... you decide for yourself lor.

As a person who struggles with his own survival every other day, how can i help others in their time of need? In that respect, how can i even HELP others at all when i can't even get myself in order?

If, by making up with them, i end up being able to do MORE in helping others, to make something negative into a positive thing. I think i should go for it.

Don't you?

EarlGrey


EarlGrey blogged @ 11:13 PM | archives




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James Lee Ng
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StarTrek (All Series): Member of StarTrek Fan Group of Singapore (STFGSG)
Aikido: Member of Aikido Shinju-Kai Singapore since November 2004.
6th Kyu (Blue Belt) 27th March 05.
5th Kyu (Blue Gold) 19th June 05.
4th Kyu (Brown Belt) 25th Sept 05
3rd Kyu (Brown-Gold) 19th Mar 06


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