Tuesday 27th June 06 10:45am
Recent events have made me disillusioned with my surroundings. Apparently people have the tendency of mis-reading even the most minor of words and turn it into something it is not. Perhaps it's just a fun thing to do. To make fun of and derive their own entertainment at the expense of others. In my previous entry, i mentioned one of my juniors, which i will not name as he has made it very clear to me he has been effected in the most negative way possible by my post. Why is it that people like to make a big issue and assume the truth when they are in no way involved in the first place? I want to make things very clear once and for all.
For all you troublemakers out there. You know who you are. There is NOTHING going on between me and my Junior. On the contary, he has been very hostile to me ever since you people have been making snide remarks to him and giving him those very uncomfortable looks. What ever he has now in his possession, he got by his own means. I am in NO way involved. We used to be good friends, that is all. And that's ALL there is to it. Just FRIENDS. True, i HAVE supported him from time to time, but ONLY because i love him as my little brother. I have NEVER asked for ANYTHING from him in return and he has NEVER offered to do the same.
Now, thanks to YOU people who like to blow up everything into epic proportions, my friendship with him is now strained, to the point that it may even end for good. You guys should be happy. You have managed to destroy a friendship that i cherish alot. I believe what goes around comes around. Heres hoping the same thing does not happen to you guys. If it does, then you guys deserve it.
Yes, i'am the one who is gay. I admit that. He is NOT. And he NEVER will be. At least i don't hide behind a screen and secretly plot and scheme to attack any of my juniors, no matter WHO he/she is. It is really up to you people to accept me for what i am. if not, do yourself and me a favour. LEAVE ME ALONE.
So really. STOP all these nonsense. If you guys REALLY need to have ANY drama in your lame lives, then attack me and me alone. Leave other people in my life out of it.
Of course, asking, begging you guys even will not make any difference if i myself don't make steps to stop all these nonsense from happening again. In this regard, i have decided that this will be the LAST entry on this blog address. I will forthwith be changing my blog address to another and will only reveal it to selected people in my life. I'am sorry. As much as i want to share my life and stories to those who REALLY wants to know, i have to protect myself and hopefully in that process protect those i love and care about further embaressment.
For those who are sincere in reading and knowing me better through my entries, please contact me directly so i can furnish you with my new blog address.
Thank You, all, for your readership all this time.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Friday 23rd June 06 4:50pm
I recently discovered that someone has been spying on my blog and using what i have posted as justification to flame my junior BoonYong. I find it both suprising and amusing. Until yesterday, i had NO idea that the person still had interest in my blog or my life at all. Indeed, when i found out about it, i felt a sense of pity for the person who did those acts.
This person apparently not only flamed me and my blog, he flamed practically everyone he knows as well. BoonYong was just another victim. This person is non other then Lee Chuan. For those not in the know, Lee Chuan is another one of my juniors who i got to know just briefly. Unfortunately due to a very big mis-understanding, our friendship was short lived. And i thought, well, that's that. Since we aren't friends anymore, why should i bother about what you do to yourself anymore?
He took it upon himself to keep tabs on my blog and taking chances to flame my content. Why? One can only wonder. BoonYong told me his blog address and i went in to take a look for the first time ever. I was in for a very big suprise. In his blog, he had many, emphasis on the word "many" pictures of himself, sometimes in very provocative and sexy kinds of poses. That in itself is fine. It IS his blog in the first place isn't it? But he does not end there. He even went to the extent of ripping pictures of ME from friendster to add to HIS blog. Now, how sick is that?
His blog entries comes across as being very arrogant and at times, even offending. This is evident in the fact that many people, me exculded, has been flooding his tagboard with many malicious words and curses.
It's just plain sad. These are all his friends in school. What possible good is there to offend your own class/school mates like this? Personally, i am ok if he makes fun of me or even flames me till the cows comes home for dinner. What i CANNOT accept is the fact that he used ME as a conduit to flame OTHER people. Especially my juniors whom i care alot about. BoonYong recently bought a PSP (PlayStation Portable) system, under the recommendation of JT. And what does Lee Chuan's Fantastic brain think of when he saw that he got the item? "Oh, BoonYong must have sold his butt to James to get that game console". Naturally BoonYong was totally offended.
I mean, even for me when i heard it, i was like "WHAT THE HELL...."
I can be many things. But of all these, i am, and i say this with total CONVICTION, NOT and NEVER will be a person who use SEX as a bartering tool for material favours. BoonYong can also be MANY things. But he most definately am NOT a cheap person. If he wants something, he will save, beg, steal, rob or cheat but he will NEVER sell his body EVER.
Lee Chuan claims to be RICH. As he has declared himself in his blog "My family is FUC*ING RICH CAN?" Well then, if so, why does he even bother to concern himself over what other people have when he could have bought the very item himself? Does it make logical sense? Strictly speaking, if he wants to compare wealth, i will win him hands down. What's his Billabong wallet and stuff to me? But really, it's all about the attitude isn't it? Lee Chuan, a word of advice, money will run out. Good times will end sooner or later. When you are up there all high and mighty and you treat those people around you like shit, when you fall, it is these very people who will turn around and spit at your pimple ridden face.
Actually, after all is said and done, Lee Chuan this poor boy is just lonely and craves attention. It dosen't help that he looks like a transvestite half the time. Don't take it from me. Just go to his blog and see his pictures for yourself. He has ALOT of time to take pot shots of himself in various poses. Kudos to him for that. This just further goes to prove how lonely he is. But to be fair, he DOES have friends. And he should consider himself blessed really. I sincerely hope he does not screw that friendship up too. I have noticed that the people around Lee Chuan has been very tolerative of him. Up till now. Perhaps he's just trying to see how far he can push his friends before they really crack and collectively drown him with their spit.
After reading Lee Chuan's blog entries, to be fair, he DOES have his points. Like a fake bag will always BE a fake bag. But really it's the way and the attitude you have that really pisses people off.
And since you were so kind as to put my blog up for your viewers to come and read, i think it is fair for me to return the favour.
By the way, all those things you say about people being stupid and without a life to come comment about your blog?
Why are you yourself coming to my blog, spamming my tagboard with an unknown alias, Copying and Pasteing my comments on YOUR blog, Ripping MY photos from my friendster account to add to yours?
You REALLY so despo for attention meh? If so, just get a pet or something... i'am sure you have a "big" house all by yourself most the time. If you are so bored, then be creative. Play with yourself. Every part of it.
To my readers, i hearby present to you, the next big star after the blogger XiaXue, Lee Chuan's blog.
and after this entry goes live, people, brace yourself for a blog war unlike none you have ever seen before.
Get your tickets and bring out the popcorn.
Monday, June 19, 2006
Monday 19th June 06 09:55am
WHEN YOU SAY "I WILL"
A promise. How important is it to you? How many times have you actually given a promise and kept it? Many times we break our promises to another because it's just so easy. Make it another day, postpone, no time, something came up. But really we ask ourselves. Have we really tried to keep that promise? When someone breaks his or her promise to another, the person effected not only wasted his/her time, He/she also feels greatly dissapointed. At least, i do. Will i ever be able to trust any of those kids/teenagers in my life again? No. i don't think so. There is really no point writing down what actually transpired for me to pen this entry now. Suffice it to say, i have really had enough.
During the weekend, i managed to find the KTV pub that this cute boy i have been eyeing works at. It's just a small place around the Maxwell market area. the ambience there is suprisingly good and friendly. It's basically a gay KTV place. After walking around aimlessly for about an hour or so, i finally found the place. The drinks are cheap and the songs are free. I managed to speak to the boy i fancied, just to be friends. He of course said "ok" out of politeness. Did not really talk to me the rest of the night but slowly warmed up to me as the night wore on and we actually managed to sing 2 songs together at the end of the day. I don't know about you, but that's already good enough for me. I think i will go back there again next week. Who wanna come with me?
You might also notice that my entries are getting longer to be updated. I apologise. Eversince i got back at work, there are many things that required my attention and even after that is over and done with, there is still my 2 times a week Aikido practice. Hardly have time to think about how to write my blog. I will at least try to update my blog once a week.
The Current World Cup event has made many people rich and poor has it not? I have also been playing small bets with a few of my juniors. win some, then lose back, in the end, ended up not winning or losing. But seriously, this season of games are so BORING. I actually slept through most of the matches. Haiz.
Anyway, good or bad, whoever wins the cup at the end, i suppose it's really non of my business. The only reason why people are concerned is becasue money is involved.
And we wonder why people can risk their day jobs JUST for the world cup.
Monday, June 12, 2006
Monday 12th June 06 10:30am
Words cannot really describe how i am feeling right now. Dejection, Fustration, Dissapointment. Once again, Boon Yong has played me out during the week end when i invited him and his gang to come over to my place to watch the World Cup Match. I find that, despite my best effort, i simply CANNOT trust him anymore. He actually CONFIRMED with me his attendence together with a few others to my place. Yet, just barely an hour before the time when we were suppsoed to meet, he gave me an SMS saying that the whole gang didn't feel like coming over after all. And when i asked if he is coming himself, He DID, after all confirmed he was coming. But guess what? he told me he was at Chua Chu Kang. When we were supposed to meet at Bedok in barely an hours' time. Anyone with half a brain can tell that he was just plainly NOT interested in coming over to my place. CCK and Bedok, can he even reach here on time? I have really given up hope on him.
At the end of the day, It's the heart that is in question. If a person has the heart to come over when he/she has been invited, even if he/she is alone, he/she will still make it to the person's place. No question about it. My 2nd brother Qing`An was just the person. He came over to keep me company just because i ASKED. Just like that. Someone i can really count on.
Well, there will not be a next time with Boon Yong and gang. I have really been dissapointed by him too many times already. He even has the cheek to place bets with me for the World Cup. He lost during the Holland match. He owes me $50. This money is as good as nothing. I bet you any penny he will not pay me back this money. But i have already grown too immune to his constant lack of intergrity. If he wins money from me, he is very fast to ask things from me. But we shall see if the reverse is true too. Based on tested and proven past events, i am not hopeful at all.
I read on the papers last week that there is this junior doctor who fell prey to CNB officers' sting operation. Effectively destroying his medical career and exposing him to the world as a homosexual person. I can't help but feel totally sorry for this young man. He looks cute too. (But really, that's so not the point here). He has a good career ahead of him. Ok, so he's gay. So what? As long as he can do his job professionally, who cares if he is straight, homo, bi or simply invalid?
Unfortunately, real life only knows how to look at flaws instead of the overall picture. Can the police actually entrap a person and then pounce on him/her with a charge of crime? Apparently so. The doctor has been jailed for 8 months. A criminal record. His face is shown to the world. His life is destroyed.
I have tried to look at Boon Yong's good points. I could not find any. Chances after chances i have given him. Time after time he dissapointed me. After this, i really don't think i can trust any kid anymore. It's just not worth the effort and the pain.
I will be opening my place for my friends to watch the World Cup matches during the week ends. Anyone interested please drop me an SMS or tag on my tag board. I am also planning to have a once a month gathering at my place for "issues sharing". One hour of meditiation, followed by another hour of problem sharing. I will provide details shortly. I am also writting my book on the "moderators". Special thanks to Jon and Isaac who have continued to support my writting by putting the "moderators" nick on their MSN. Based on that, i WILL continue to write my book anyway. Anyone else interested to support my endevour? You only need to cut and paste my MSN nick (Moderators) as you see currently and use it as your own header for your nick. I will do the rest.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Wednesday 7th June 06 09:25am
Well, the "dreaded" date 06/06/06 has come and gone. And guess what? We humans are still here alive and kicking. No end of the world, no huge battles between angels and demons, no one dying due to some sudden onset of a big quake or hailstorm.
Just a plain old wednesday morning where all of us ordinary mortals have to get up and live the next 24 hours of our lives. So really, what is this big ho-ha over a date? Isn't it just another day?
But then again, every coin has two sides. For all we know, the world was saved by, perhaps even yet again by some unknown heros whom have battled with the evil ones. We have all seen movies of knights and "chosen ones" who has to stop certain evil creatures from taking over the world and what not. Who knows. Maybe the Charmed Ones are real after all.
But all in all, we have to be thankful for our lives to be just normal and mundane. I mean, can we handle a big crisis now? running away from fireballs, getting our asses kicked by some demon from god knows where? losing our loved ones because some demon happen to just like how your sister, brother or relative taste and just ate them infront of you? I don't think so.
But dun think too much about what i wrote above. It's just the imaginative me thinking out loud.
My life now is mundane as well to be honest. I have since given up on friendship. Much less relationship. There comes a time in ones life where you just feel that friendship and all that crap is pure nonsense. Sure, it's good to have friends to hang out with, laugh and basically have fun with. But when it matters the most, are those friends there? will they be by your side to support you emotionally? More often than not the answer is a resounding NO. They have problems of their own they will tell you. Or suddenly they will just be too busy to pick up your calls or forget to reply that sms.
During the weekend i went down to TJC and watched a band concert by my juniors. Boon Yong and gang was there. And guess what? I was practically INVISIBLE to them. You know, i really think it's amazing as to how people can treat you very well, call you and lick your boots to high heaven when they need your help, and when they get it, you suddenly become a has-been to them. They saw me at the concert and pretended not to see me. Only after they realised that i was looking at them point blank and they have no other way to look, did they offer me a very reluctant "hi".
What the hell.
Is this the thanks i get? apparently so.
Now, i immerse myself with my work. No more mr good guy for me. It's work and Aikido for me.
The "devils" date may have come and gone, but they want a devil? i'll GIVE them one.
Yes, i'am angry and pissed. After doing so much emotionally AND financially for people, i HAVE the right to be. Money and status matters alot right? I have those now. i'll SHOW you people what a total evil creature i can be. Who cares what you say? i have the money and the status. I live in a big bungalow. what do you guys have? a miserable 5 room HDB flat? HAH.
Then Go away and leave me be.
That's what you ingrates always do best anyway isn't it?
Monday, May 29, 2006
Monday 29th MAY 06 08:15am
Is it better to have loved than to never have loved before? I suppose in my case, the former is true. I have loved and still do, many people in my life. Maybe it's just because i'am the more emotional type or that i'am just so despo for a partner. Whatever works. I am not someone who asks for alot. I'am a simple person with simple wants and needs. Yet, real life is never really that simple is it?
But there are some concessions.
During the weekend i managed, after some difficulty and long wait, to FINALLY be able to meet up with Joey from my Aikido class for the movie X-Men 3. We met at Plaza Singapura at 1pm. God bless his soul. This young 15 year old boy is matured for his age. He actually came on time. Now, how many kids these days actually value punctuality at all? After we met up, (I almost thought i would be late as i was unsure how to drive to the place from my office) we went to the Kopitiam for lunch. There he impressed me again. When he got his food, he actually WAITED for me to get my food before starting his meal. Now, how many kids these days actually have simple table manners like this? After lunch we went to watch our movie.
X-Men 3, in my view, was rushed and too short for a trilogy. At only 100 odd mins, the movie felt rushed. Albeit with alot of CGI effects and powers shown. Go watch it during the week day. It's not worth your $9.50 to watch it during the weekends.
After the movie, Joey had to go off to meet his parents. Although we only have each other's company for 4 hours, it was one of the more happy moments in my life. It was simple, happy, conducive. Yes, so i like Joey, in the more special way then just friends. But this is ALL i ever wanted. To share a movie together, communications. In short, just company and good clean fun. Of course, if i am able to hug him and hold his hands all the better. But one must not be too greedy for what has already been given.
It took me awhile to actually be able to meet up with him. The reason is really very simple. Our age gap is just too huge. I admit, i was very saddened that we can't even seem to have a decent conversation on MSN, SMSes are almost zero. We only see each other for a short time once a week at Aikido class. That is, assuming he even turns up at all. The ultimate was when he told me he was talking untill 4am with a 21 year old girl on MSN during a school day, no less.
Then it actually hit me. It really didn't matter what i feel about him or how much we see each other. At the end of the day, he will never be able to click with me as much as i would like it to be. He's a boy, and i'am a guy. He would rather spend his sleepless nights talking to a girl, no matter how old, then to spend time talking to me, cause that's what boys do isn't it? talk to girls.
Yes, i'am sad. And he will NEVER understand WHY or accept the reason behind it.
I just have to accept it myself.
I am already thankful that i have his company for those 4 hours.
Yes, That's good enough for me..... as weird as that sounds. You guys will understand what i mean when you fall in love in the future. It's the little things that makes up the whole equation.
After he left, i spent some time thinking. It was not too long ago when i was going down to a club every Saturday night just because of one boy and just to be dissapointed when i saw him holding hands with a CMI (Cannot Make It) 30 +++++ man. The thing is, This CMI guy is RICH.
The boy i like is 19 and cute as hell, and the man he is with? Looks like a bad accident between a horse and it's black behind. But the thing is, the guy is RICH.
Is money really so powerful? Is money able to get you things so easily? I have been dirt poor before, living only on slices of bread and tap water, struggeling to pay my bills and having people knocking at my door demanding payment.
Now, i live in a spacious 4 storey bungalow with even an in built lift. I have a good job that pays well and i actually have money in my bank. Life is better now no doubt about that. But i have never made it a point to flaunt this status of mine. I invite my friends to my place sure, but not because i want to show off what i have, but because i want to SHARE my blessings with those that i know and care about. You can "buy" someone by your side when you have the wealth to do so i'am very sure. I've seen it myself. But really, would this person love you for who you are? or just because you can feed him/her with dollar bills and credit cards?
I tried it once. I tried to see whether money really equates to "power of purchase". I offered payments and material wealth to BoonYong in return for companionship. And his response?
Based on the fact that i can provide him with all that he needs and wants. It was easy. I was shocked by the simpleness of it myself to be very honest. Then i suddenly felt disgusted. Not with him. But with myself.
To actually offer a person that i love and care about money and material gains JUST so that he/she will be with me? That has GOT to be the greatest INSULT ever. How could i ever have thought of something as disgusting as that? And apparently BoonYong felt it too, after he actually said yes to my offer. I suppose he also felt the shock of what he has just agreed to.
Since then, he has avoided me and even blocked me on MSN. You see, my friends. There is always a fine line between friendship and love. You insult it with money like your friend or loved one is an object for purchase, you have no one to blame but yourself when this person just walks away from your life.
I should know.
It happened to me.
Monday, May 22, 2006
Monday 22nd MAY 06 10:10am
GLORIFIED STORY BOOK
Went to watch The DaVinci Code during the week end with my sis and her boyfriend. Essentially, this movie is a "What If" movie. It urges the audience to think of the possiblities of what might be, what could be.
What if : Jesus is just a mortal man? The "Holy Grail" is not a magical artifact but instead, a woman? That Christanity is actually created through Paganisim? That the Bible is nothing but a glorified story book?
The implications of such revelations, if TRUE? Total Chaos in the world.
Churches all around the world will be forced to change their beliefs. Their credibility will be totally striped. Christians all over will be lost because of the fact that their faith was nothing but a fairy tale spun by humans ourselves.
We will have WAR.
Leftists fighting for their beliefs, whether proven fake or otherwise. And Rightists fighting for what is evident and true.
Of course, back to reality, this is nothing but a movie adapted from a best selling novel. To believe in it would be akin to beliving that one can get to a school for withches and wizards by running towards a pillar at some train station.
But it DOES make you think. What if "GOD" as it were is nothing but an imagination? Well, it's too sensitive to be debated. Watch the movie with a pinch of salt.
In my personal life, i have given up on love. I went clubbing again on SAT and saw the cute boy there once again. But he was with a 30+ old man who looks totally disgusting but at the same
time, is supposedly filthy rich. Oh well.
So now i'll just be my old lonely nomad self. Until such time where the heavens above decides to drop a boy on my lap...... Like that would ever happen during my life time, even 5 times over.
I'am POOR. I'am UGLY, i'am UNEDUCATED, and most of all, i only drive a bloody Berlingo VAN.
LOL. Who wants me?
Didn't think so.
P.S (this actually means "PostScript", if anyone of you are still clueless), My blog just reached the 2000th page views!!!!!!
My stories ARE interesting after all.
SO TAG LAR..... All you cheapskate, Lazy, GOOD FOR NOTHING readers.
Haiz. See.... this is why my blog no one ever tags.
I like to offend people too much
Monday, May 15, 2006
Monday 15th MAY 06 09:45am
It's hard to be the eldest in the family. Everything becomes YOUR responsibility. The windows not closed, the plants not watered, the lights not switched off. Worse, when it comes to siblings, it becomes YOUR problem too. My sister's boyfriend has this habit of wanting to sleep in my sister's room with her. With the room doors LOCKED. This of course makes the two honchos at home very uncomfortable. I mean, any normal person will feel this way. You put a boyfriend and girlfriend together in a same locked room, what WILL happen? or rather, what can POSSIBLY happen? But guess what? it became MY problem.
I have told my sister's boyfriend MANY times NOT to sleep in my sister's room. The house is so bloody big. Does he HAVE to sleep in my sister's room? His excuses are always "Oh, Kor's room is locked".
WHAT THE HELL. There are many rooms in the house. Pick ANY room and you can sleep in there. If my room is locked. KNOCK! If i still do not respond, GO TO ANY OTHER FREAKING ROOM in the house for the love of god!
Now, i'am a very paitient person by nature. I believe in telling people nicely and explaining to them the reason behind the actions that i do or have to do. I believe that if you treat people with respect, they should jolly well respect you back.
My sister's boyfriend decided to climb over my head and PEE on me. After repeatedly telling him to sleep in my room on Saturday nite before i went clubbing, He said yes yes yes all the way. And when i came back, what happens? He was in my sister's room. AGAIN. With the room door locked, AGAIN.
The very next morning, i got a big nagging from my mother asking me questions that should not be directed at me in the first place. "Why is Glen in your sister's room?" "What time they slept"?, "Why didn't you ensure Glen went to your room?" Etc Etc. Hey, my sister and her boyfriend are the ones having the relationship. NOT ME.
Why am I the one getting bombarded with questions?!
Needless to say, i was totally PISSED.
I gave Glen a big verbal trashing. I warned him if he EVER, EVER takes my words as nothing again, he will NOT be welcomed into the house anymore.
I am trying to protect their relationship. By always sleeping together in a locked room, how will that help them to convince the two honchos at home that they are mature to have a relationship together? Why invite problems? Knowing how my mother can be? and how the old man can be?Why can't they just be smart and listen to me for once? One is my own sister, and the other,
someone i treat as my brother. Would i EVER harm my own family?
Think about it Glen. What is the point of writting "sorry" on stick it pads and pasting it ALL OVER my room? You have ALREADY done the deed. Why only regret after you have made the damage? You are a young MAN, Glen. ACT LIKE ONE. If you really are sincere in apologising,
TELL ME IN THE FACE personally. I am looking for sincerity. Not Convenience.
On a personal front, my trip to the pub on SAT nite was worth it.
I saw the cute boy there!!!
OH MY GOD. My heart really skipped a beat when i saw him. Sheesh.
Unfortunately he didn't know who i was and was not even interested to smile at me or make conversation.
Oh well...... Dreams are always good to have.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Tuesday 9th MAY 06 7:55am
In my needest time,
I call upon the higher powers,
Grant to me, My destined other.
Show me the way, Light my path
So i may hold my other half.
During the weekend, i had another opportunity to meet up with my real father. Of course, all done with secrecy. It's really crazy isn't it?
That there must be so much cloak and dagger JUST to meet up with one's own parent. But it happens, if not others, then to me. We had a good time. Lunching together and then strolling along the beach, just me, my sis and my father.
If anyone is curious as to what the few sentences above means, well, it's a spell to find your partner. You may use it for yourself if you want, wait for the full moon ( you can check the local charts in the papers for this) go to a clear area, e.g an opened field. Write the spell on a piece of PARCHMENT paper.( you can get this at any paper stores) it's important to follow this steps closely. Any deviation, you might not get the desired results. Bring along a small candle (pink, white OR black) And under the light of the lighted candle, say the spell three times and then burn the parchment paper (You might also want to bring a small bowl or such to burn the parchment with) Then, wait for the spell to work. If, after a month, you still do not see any results, then the spell has not worked. Do not worry, it may just be because you are NOT destined to have a partner YET or, you cheated and cast the spell when you ALREADY have a girlfriend/boyfriend or have just BROKEN up with him/her. Good Luck.
Be warned, not all relationships are good. And with every person's stages of life, there are more then one fated relationship. Sometimes, one has to go through one, two, maybe three relationships before landing the right one. And even then, it won't be without it's own problems and arguments. I'am taking a big risk, that's for sure. But i have waited and waited for like........ AGES. I'am still dry where a relationship is concerned. So i'am just giving this a go. Bear in mind,
this spell does not discriminate against gender. You might get an opposite gender or someone of the SAME gender. So long as it is written in your fate to be with this person, female OR otherwise, the spell will bring you both together. It is up to YOU to accept this written fate. This is NOT a love spell. There is no such thing as a love spell. The power of love is immune to all sorts of charms, spells or potions any being, supernatural or mortal can conjure. Please remember that. So called love spells are actually Lust spells. This attacks the person's desire for the flesh. For SEX. And it's very dangerous. So please,
DO NOT USE such things at ALL.
Do i know if the spell will work? Of course not. But one must have faith in things that are beyond our understanding. It's just like the faith in god, in the almighty. I have waited, tried and hoped. What do i have left to lose? I'll take all the help i can get at this point of time.
So guys, use my spell if you want to take the risk. And YES, i created this spell myself. So there is no ripping from any other sites. Again, this is all about faith. Do you have faith in my ability to create a spell? If so, then whether the spell is written by me or not should not be the issue.
The issue is, do you WANT to take the risk? The risk to find your fated partner? No matter who that may be?
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Saturday 6th MAY 06 12:40am
The fight is over. The outcome, set in stone.
Today i drove down to Pasir Ris to cast my vote as required by law. After that, drove back home to park my car and went down to Tampines by bus. Watched the movie Mission Impossible 3 then headed back to Jln Kayu to meet up with Julius for dinner.
Mission Impossible 3 is so-so to me. Lots of action and twists that will suprise you. Go watch it if you have time. Or just wait for it to come on to your TV. These movies often will.
There is a reason why i chose not to drive to Tampines mall after my voting. Parking is a big problem when it's a public holiday. Driving is easy. But what you need to do after you reach your destination is a big problem.
I got back home in time to watch the voting results. I feel sad for the opposition actually. Am i pro Opposition and Anti Government? The answer is no.
Say what you will, but there is really no question that most singaporeans have unhappiness in some areas one way or another. The honest truth is that what the opposition says are true to a certain extend. But we are also a very practical lot of people. True, prices have gone up, there are bills for anything and everything. Fines for the simplest things, even saying a wrong word at the wrong time will cause someone to be sued and jailed. People ARE struggling.
We never seem to earn enough to save and pay at the same time.
Having said that, why is it then that the government that we have are able to stay in power for so long? and today, have managed to stay back in power yet again? The reason is really very simple.
What would happen if our current government were to lose power? There will definately be changes. Our cost of living MAY go down. Bills MAY be reduced, heck, even the gap between the rich and the poor MAY be closed up significantly. Thats all well and good. BUT then what do we do AFTER that? When all of use can afford cars, live in bungalows, have lots of money in the bank, never worry about fare increases and conservancy bills? Do we have the drive to stay competative?
I enjoy my country as it is. It's safe. It's relatively clean. I can walk out on the streets knowing that i won't be shot dead by some gun touting ganster, That i won't be hit by some cars that practically covers the whole of our roads, That i won't be robbed in broad daylight. In all, i feel SAFE.
There is a very clear danger that if our current government loses power, the loss of balance in the governence will bring us backwards, and NOT forwards. Other bigger "brothers" around us can or will take this opportunity to attack us when we are at our most trying time when the new government tries to take control.
There will be Chaos.
In the end, who suffers?
Granted, even though there are very strong indications that our country is run by a "single power", as long as me, as a citizen can feel safe and even my family, I'd say this is the better of two evils.
Ask yourself one thing my friends. Are we READY for our government to lose power to the opposition? Or are we better off, living under their power but as a trade off, have a safe place to eat, live and play in?
To the opposition, Yes, i KNOW you have our interests at heart and that you are fighting the good fight. But the fact remains, our leaders have made our country the way it is. We are strong now. As a country, we must not only work FOR the people, we have to work for our country and it's future and safety. It's just not enough to say that you are fighting for the people. Because once you have done your part in satisfying the people's needs, how do you work on the country's needs? The current and new government has done that for us. While you have not stated anything about our country and what you can do for IT.
That's really what the people want to hear.
At least, i DO
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Thursday 4th MAY 06 10:20am
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH
I know i have said this before, but i'll say this again anyway.
I'am so tired. Tired of seeking, waiting, looking, wanting, hoping, praying for the love in my life. I see my sister and brothers happily attached. I feel happy for them of course. But then i will think and look at myself and realise what an empty shell i am.
As much as personal fortunes are concerned, i now live in a big bungalow, I have a stable job with a relatively good pay, i have my own transport now albeit not a very good one, but a decent vehical nontheless. I do not have much bills to pay as most of my needs are taken care of. Life is picking up for me NOW.
Yet, i'am STILL a poor man. There is just this very big void in my heart. I really try not to think about it. But the more i fight the feeling of loneliness, the harder it strikes at me. I immerse myself in my work. It helps for a while. Then while driving home or to my other destinations and listening to the raido where they ALWAYS like to air those bloody love songs, It hits me again with a double shot of pain.
I am, like any other person on earth, made of flesh and blood. I have feelings and emotions too. I need to hold somebody and love somebody. In return, i need that somebody to hold me and love me back too. Is that too much to ask?
I certianly hope not in my case.
I have loved and still do, many people in my life. Julius, Boon Yong, Jon, Isaac, Joey. But we can never progress beyond brotherhood in our relationship, if ever at all. If either of them read this post, they will most likely freak out and NEVER talk to me again. But you see, i'am tired of hiding my feelings from people. Especialy people i care about. I don't freaking care anymore what other people will or might think about me. I know that i am an upright person. Yes, so i prefer boys to girls. Big deal. Sue me.
But i'am also a realistic person. I can cry and whine about the unfairness of it all till the cows come home and give milk. The fact remains, The people that i love now, will NEVER be able to be with me. Such is the price I pay for the lifestyle that i chose.
My blog is the only other place i can bare my true feelings to.
Yes, i really love them.
And because of that, i also cannot have them.
When i die, i leave this world with my heart, and a love that was never accepted.
Friday, April 28, 2006
Friday 28th APR 06 09:30am
There are times when things happens to a person that effects him or her to a great extend. More so when it is totally beyond the person's power yet is just as simply avoidable. Lately my brother was booked for driving without a valid Driver's Licence. The consequences of which are great.
What is worse is that he was already slated to take his Traffic Police Test for his Licence four days AFTER he was booked for that offence. He passed his Driving test with 6 demerit points. However, this accomplishment will not last as his Licence will be revoked anyway once his case is concluded.
Worse, he has implicated his father too as he was driving a car registered under his father's name illegally. The penalty for such an offence is high.
First, the Illegal driver, on conviction will be fined at LEAST amounts in the thousand region. And there is a standard revocation of his Licence, irregardless of whether the Licence in question was obtained BEFORE or AFTER the offence committed of at LEAST 24 months and above. This means that he/she will not be able to apply to sit for ANY form of driving test for at least 2 years, and even after the ban is lifted, he/she will have to go through the WHOLE process of retaking the Basic, Final and Practical test from the beginning. As if this alone is not enough, he committed another offence by not displaying a valid Off-Peak Coupon when he was operating the Off-Peak car he was in.
Off-Peak cars are essentially cars that have a time restriction on when they can be out on the roads. Basically, the restriction is from 7pm till 7am the next day for weekdays, 12noon onwards from Saturday and whole day on Sundays and Public Holidays. Off peak cars are identified by a red licence plate. So essentially, my brother faces the following charges:
1) Driving without a valid Licence.
2) Driving without a valid Insurance coverage. (Since he is an unlicensed driver)
3) Driving an off-peak Vehicle without a valid coupon.
All of which carries at LEAST a fine and revocation of licence or, in serious cases, jail terms.
This is not the end of it. Because he was driving a car registered under his father's name, His father was also implicated in the case. His father now faces the following charges, no thanks to the irresponsible act committed by his son.
1) Allowing an unlicensed driver to operate his car.
2) Failure to display valid off-peak coupon on his car. (This charge applies to the father because the onus is on the registered owner to ensure that the proper fees and such related coupons necessary for the operation of the car in question is paid for duly)
The above charges carries at LEAST a fine and revocation of Licence for at LEAST 24 months and above.
To add to this, my brother's dad is retired and now works as a taxi driver to support the family. His dad also has classes of Licence from Class 2 to 5. If his dad's licence were to be revoked, he will lose ALL his classes of licence. Essentially meaning that he will lose his job and will no longer be able to provide for the family.
You can see now how serious my brother's actions are and the implications to the family involved. He is naturally worried sick at this moment of what might happen to him next.
The part that has effected me the most is the fact that i have already warned him repeatedly and even emphasised the seriousness of his actions to him time and again. He was already so close to obtaining his licence to drive legally. He was booked on the 19th of April and his actual test was on the 24th of April. It's SUCH a waste if he were to have his licence revoked in this manner.
He went and broke the law ANYWAY.
I felt really helpless and a failure. No doubt, my brother made the decision to break the law himself, but one can't help but feel that he/she is responsible somehow. I mean, could i have done something more? could i have been more careful in warning him? look out for him more? All these questions weighing on my mind. I find myself deeply stressed.
In a nutshell, do not do anything against the law. You will not only be in trouble yourself, you will also implicate your own family members and bring much stress and anxiety to your family.
Now my brother can only wait, and see if there is anyway he can get the relevant authorities to perhaps help to reduce the charges that may be brought against him. On a side note, his Driver's Licence is officially still valid as reflected on the Police Website. Until such time when his sentence is passed down, He can still legally drive on the roads.
In my personal life, i have also been noticing that my brother, sister and most of my friends are attached happily with either their girlfriends or boyfriends. And then i get hit by this sense of extreme loneliness. It's not that i have no friends to be with. But it's just Different when it comes to having a real relationship dosen't it?
I long for a day where i can hold my partner, hug, share my feelings with. To tell this person "i love you". I do have feelings for a few of my Juniors. But you see, such feelings can only be one sided. They will NEVER be able to love me back. And i am so freaking tired to look for it, to wait and all. It's just taxing for me. I have since stopped contacting the people i have feelings for. As they say, out of mind, out of sight. It is my hope that they will forget about me in due course of time.
Perhaps i'am really a nomad when it comes to love. I can be living in a big house, have the luxuries in life. But i suppose, there IS a trade off for everything in life.
I'am 26. for all the things i have till now
I've NEVER had love.
And that was all i ever wanted.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Wednesday 19th APR 06 12:12am
Are teenagers nowadays blogged with so many things and so caught up with competitions that they will ultimately implode due to the sheer pressure they get from family, friends and even themselves? This is a question that really bugged me today when i read the report on the sucide of the JC boy. This report can be found in the Straits Times "Home". It's the front page news, so you can't miss it.
In this article, the boy in question was doing very well in school and with his CCA. He has got such a good future ahead of him. In spite of that, he chose to jump to his death. He is at the most 17 or 18. But what really kicked me off my chair was the REASON why he commited sucide. Was it because of his school work? NO. Family? NO. Friends? NO. Love life? NO. Then what could possibly posses him to end his life in such an undignified manner?
He believed his PENIS was too small. Like. WHAT THE HELL KIND OF REASON IS THAT???!!!!!
The good grades, the family, the bright future, His friends, his girlfriend, his CCA, his LIFE. all fails in comparision with his DICK. True, as a guy myself, my manhood is no doubt of great importance to me. But to kill myself because i "THINK" my manhood is too small? Even if this is true, surely there MUST be some way to rectify this problem. He is an educated boy with goods results. That proves he is a bright child. Surely he should have the most basic of logical thinking left in that brain of his? Be that as it may, i feel very sorry for this boy's family and friends. They must be shattered that such a thing could happen to their child/friend. Who could have forseen it coming? But this is just a tip of the ice berg my friends.
There are many more teens out there that are sucidal with the most mediocre of problems. "my friends thinks i look like a pig", "I'am stupid", "I'am ugly", "I'am gay", "I did something wrong today, i masturbated" (Hey, someone jumped thinking his dick was too small..... go figure if you think my last reason is stupid)
Is this the aftereffect of the world now? Competitions abound, always to be the top, best school, best results, best house, best job, highest pay, highest rank, First Class Honours, Masters, Phd etc etc. And then the kids are brought up in this enviroment thinking, beliveing even, that the only way he/she could be a good/worthy/successful person is to be at the top. And then it finally breaks when even looks and body parts are taken into comparision.
Really, in life, one has to think about accepting and taking care of one's self first. Be a good and productive person to yourself and those around you. Be humble. whereever you go and whatever you do, there will ALWAYS be someone better then you. When will be learn how to take care of ourselves when all we think about is how to be better then everyone else?
Is life about living, or about fighting with everyone else?
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Saturday 15th APR 06 11:11pm
I have managed to get my driver's licence recently. One would think that i am over the moon by now and driving around the roads of our Island like a free bird.
Nothing could be futher from the truth. It's true that i was very happy when i got my licence. I had waited long and paid alot to get this licence. However, now that i DO have it, i realised that my stress level has gone up considerably. Firstly, It is now ME behind the wheel. I am no longer just a passenger taking the bus, MRT or taxi, depending on the driver for my own safety. I am responsible now. Not that i'am not prepared to face this responsibility. It's just that the responsibility comes fast and furious. It's stressful. I drove my mum's Audi yesterday after dropping off my sis at her school.
The first day out on the opened roads is a feeling that words cannot describe. It is a mix of both a happy and totally nerve wrecking feeling. Driving is not supposed to be such a chore!
That's the perception we get as passengers. "He/She makes driving seem so easy..."
And today, my second day on the road using the van like car from the office. After HOURS. Yes, HOURS turing and turing aimlessly around Singapore, i managed to, after some difficulty get to my Aikido HQ at Balestier Road. And when i tried to drive back home, that took me another 2 Hours. Yes.
2 FREAKING HOURS.
I may have gotten my Licence, but the licence is only the beginning. I now need to get myself acustomed to the roads, know the roads and really...... learn the skills of being a good and responsible driver.
It's not easy. You miss a turn, you have to move on and find the next exit. You slow down abit, you have to get look out for cars behind you. You see big trailers, you have to give way to them. I can safely say that this has got to be the most stressful period of my life. This is not a playing matter, my friends. Lives are at stake. One mistake, and it could be a scar for life.
Worse, you could even lose your life, or take someone elses.
The car that i am driving now. Sorry about the low lighting.
On another matter, i happen to find some pics of my new house that my sis has taken. I decided to post them here, for the benefit of my friends whom, under certian circumstance, i am unable to invite over to visit. For this, i sincerely apologise. At the end of the day, this is not my house to do as i like.
Now, there WILL be people who thinks that i'am just a big show off by posting the pics here. For this, i dun think i even need to bother to explain myself. My friends who knows me will know what type of a person i am. There is no need for me to prove/defend myself to people who just like to make issues with every single thing they see or hear in life.
So, there you have it.
Pool Side Area
Friday, April 14, 2006
Thursday 13th APR 06 00:00am
The day of reckoning is here yet again. Today, i re-enter the battlefield to earn my coveted Licence that allows me to drive on the roads in singapore.
I went, I fought.
As of the 13th of April 06, I am officially the holder of a Qualified Driver's Licence in Singapore.
I will always remember it as the day before good friday. LOL
Can anyone help me find the P-Plate icon/pic/photo online? I want to put on my blog. I can't seem to find it.
Now the only thing to do is to find a car for myself. I don't want anything too flashy, a Manual Car. Essentially, a good beginner's car. Any suggestions?
The two people at home refuse to allow me to drive their Audi and Merc. Can understand also lar.... so ex the car.... if bang how?
Only solution is to buy/get/recieve one of my own lor.
Monday, April 10, 2006
Monday 10th APR 06 11:22pm
Lately i have been very discouraged by one of the things i love the most. Aikido. I am seriously thinking of giving it up altogether. The past few months, i have been working tirelessly for my Dojo in Pasir Ris. I have tried make the place lively, I have tried to be there for any of my juniors. I have organised a gathering, i have set up a yahoogroups and taken photos. I have made it a point to come early to set up the dojo, to open the cage and bring out the mats. I have traveled to and fro the HQ in Balester road to pay fees, submit grading books, collect Gis and what not NOT for myself, but the MEMBERS of my Dojo. I even made time to coach my juniors a few of the techniques so that they will be more confident to take their grading. For the HQ side, i have tried my best to help out during grading time.
All these, i did WITHOUT pay, and sacrificing my OWN time.
In the end?
It was totally Un-Appricated
Comments like "He's just a brown gold, how can teach other people?", "Why he always never clear the mats after class ends?", "Such a newbie only, think he so senior", "Can we trust YOU with our money?" "Why no reciept for my money paid?" "It's YOUR job to write the dates for us in our Dojo cards", "Where is my Gi?", "How can you forget to take my Gi?" "you got one week, no time to take a simple Gi for me meh?"
Look. I'am NOT perfect. But at least i am trying my best. I work for the members. It's not just TALK. I have proven so by my own ACTIONS. If anyone thinks he/she/Him/Her can do a better job then me, by all means go ahead and DO it. Please, for the love of all that is holy, don't just use your god-given mouths to just TALK.
I, like everyone else PAY money for my training. Even as an Assistant Leader, i have to PAY to train.
But, as much as the comments are hurtful to me, i CANNOT, in good faith just leave my instructor who has been so paitient towards me, guided me and recommended me this leadership post. There is, simply, no one else to hand over to. Besides that, i love the members of my Dojo too much. People like Jon, Isaac, Jonathan, Zax, Peijing, Peizheng, Cyrus etc etc.
But, there is only so much a person can take.
Now, i'am back at work yet i still try ways and means to turn up for training. Is it too much to just ask for this little bit of respect? Do i NOT deserve it?
Maybe all of them do not care. But at least, i know i do. Enough to put you the guys FIRST.
In the end, i end up shooting myself in the heart.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?
Friday, April 07, 2006
Friday 7th APR 06 11:30pm
THE FIRST 5 DAYS.
Well, i am officially back at work in the family business. The first week proved to be challenging as well as rewarding. I was given the designation of "Chief Executive Officer" or "CEO" of the company. But wait. Before you go WOW...... or WAH... or whatever sound you like to make, it's really NOT a big deal at all. In the company's management, there is still the old man, my mom and a new Assistant GM running the place. In terms of heirachy, i'am ranked fourth. There is no such title as "Assistant Assistant GM" And my mum did not want the old man to think that i am suddenly some big shot in the company so fast. The old man's direction is also for me to learn the ropes, from the bottom up, while STILL manage the day to day runnings of the company. I tell you, the old man thinks i'am some god.... able to do magic and do EVERYTHING. Anyway, as it is, the only logical other designation is "Chief Executive Officer". In my name card, my position is reflected as "Executive Officer" this title covers a wide range and facilitates me co-ordinating with clients in sales, manager level executives with our clients, a high enough position to deal with e-mail and correspondences and effect procurement. However, my status as know to the company is "Chief Executive Officer". Don't ask me why it has to be so complicated. It just IS.
So really.... "CEO" sounds big. But in my case, well..... you know the truth. The worst part is, i still DO NOT KNOW how much the old man is gonna pay me. I guess i will only know once payday comes. I DO hope that he will at least pay me an executive's pay, in line with my "appointment" which is somewhere in the SGD$2,000 - SGD$2,500 range. But one can ONLY hope.
The company is also in a big mess. The payslip system i implimented before i left 2 years ago was apparently abandoned shortly after i left. I was so angry. I spent weeks just to get the system going. and in days, it was abolished. There is no proper documentation, no proper channels for procedures, no proper stock and inventory system. The staffs do not know ANYTHING that i have asked, like where certian files are, where certian items are. NOTHING. And ALL the shit CONVINENTLY lies onto ME to clean up.
But there IS a sliver lining beyond all these dark smelly clouds. The new AGM (Assistant General Manager) clicks quite well with me, agrees and understands what i am trying to do in the company. The old staffs are also happy that i am back because they KNOW that i am someone they can relay on for promises to be kept and their needs to be heard. Hence, most of the old staffs are very supportive of whatever i do, and have also been opened to me in terms of their problems encountered and what thier complaints are.
These 5 days have really taught and shown me alot.
Looks like i have a tight ship to run.... wish me luck.
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Sunday 2nd APR 06 11:55pm
BACK TO WORK.
In a few hours time (meaning, the next day lar... what time already. use brain and think can!! LOL ), i'll be heading back to work in my step-father's company. I do not know what the next few months have in store for me, and how long i can tolerate it there...... But i will try, for the sake of my future and to finally be able to bring home my real dad and take care of him for his remaining years.
One thing IS certain though. I have had to sarcrifice my own likes and interests for the time being. Like my Aikido and my acting and teaching. I will greatly miss my training sessions and my fellow Aikidokas back at my principle Dojo. But, hopefully, i will be able to get my Driver's Licence by this month and get a car. Then, i will be much more mobile and able to move around easier to my Dojo and training.
Todays' post will be short. I'am tired. And Lazy to write more. LOL
To all my Aikido members, if you are reading this, dun worry, i'll always fight to be around during training day. I love you guys too much to say goodbye. It may take awhile, but i WILL be back.
This, i promise you.
Monday, March 27, 2006
Sunday 26th MAR 06. 12:25am
PARTIES AND HORROR STYLISTS
Over the weekend, i organised a small gathering at my place for a light dinner and movie, also as a sort of belated birthday dinner for my friends. First off, i would like to thank, in no particular order, Dr EMH and Superstar, Ashley, Chua, Julius, WeiHao, Jackle, Dori, Ben, Felix-San, Jerald, Dennison, Sherwin, Wilson and Jay for gracing my gathering. I made Beehoon, nuggets and soup for the night's meal. Jerald and gang came very late, so not much food left for them when they actually arrived. I have invited more people, namely Jon from my aikido class. He said he was coming. In the end, he never turned up, causing me to have to wait for him, and in the process delay the dinner time for ALL my guests also. He never even bothered to call me and tell me he wasn't coming. How irritating is that? So irresponsible.
He is not the only one though. There is these two boys from my HQ Aikido class whom said they were coming also. in the end, also same case as Jon. never called. then only replied with silly excuses when i texted them to ask if they are coming.
All in all, i had a good time with my friends on that day. It COULD have been better, but one must always be happy with what he/she can have.
Sunday was Bizzare. I FORWARN you guys first. The following entry MAY contain elements that may cause discomfort to some people. If you feel that you do not want to read any further, PLEASE STOP READING FROM HERE ON END.
I went to Bedok today, somewhere besides the NTUC Fairprice where there is this 10 mins hair cut service for $10. I felt my hair was a bit long, so i went for the cut. There was this very very GAY looking guy, who's voice sounds as if he just got his throat slit by a blade. He did my hair. all was well until the part where he was supposed to vaccum up the loose hairs that are around my neck and stuff.
Now, where i was sitting, there was this armrest. so naturally, my hand was rested on the armrest. The level of the seat was, unfortunately at the same level as his croutch area. when he was at my right vaccuming my hair, he leaned forward and his hard rigid DICK was rubbing AGAINST my elbow. And he LEANED harder in. I was like...... OMG. THIS GUY.... IS SOOO EWWWWW.........
He did that not ONCE, but many times. He took like 6 mins to vaccum my hair.
AND HE RE-CUT my hair AGAIN!!!!!
and yes, you guessed it. he got to RE-VACCUM my hair AGAIN.
That guy was NO-WHERE YOUNG nor GOOD-LOOKING. I mean
I didn't want to say or do anything at that time because i also didn't want to make a scene or make people in a difficult position. i mean, as long as it was not totally obvious that he was.... "enjoying" himself, i should also act blur and act as if everything is normal.
But it was EEEWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!
I mean, yes, i may be gay..... But hey..... i've got my own class of people i like.... and that hair stylist is definately NOT even close to that class.
For my readers who live around bedok.... maybe you can go see for yourself lar.
Wear some durian shells or something...... wait that guy come rub against you again..... just stab his nuts or something.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Tuesday 21st MAR 06 12:40am
WISHES CAME TRUE
I never expected any special thing to happen today. Even if it IS my Birthday. But life is very strange. sometimes, it drops little suprises at you. Today, i got my wishes granted. In a way.
The morning started rather mundanely. Woke up after being awaken by my phone's SMS tone. Lazed around abit until the afternoon and then set off to Bedok Interchange to meet up with Jerald and Jay. Bless their souls. They actually bought me a gift, and made time to meet me even though their classes ended quite late today. It was evident from the fact that they were all still in uniforms. It is really simple gestures like these that makes things worthwhile for any person. We proceeded to Tampines Century Square for dinner. We had black pepper steak at Jack's Place. It's pricey for sure, but hey, their are some things that money cannot buy such as friendship.
After dinner, we actually wanted to watch a movie but the timings aren't right, so Jay went to cut his hair at the 10 mins hair cut service. It was on the way there that i recieved a phone call that really made my day.
My Godma called to wish me happy birthday. Just a simple "Hey James, Happy Birthday." I was really touched and elated. It really means so much when someone whom you have lost contact for some time, due to each other's own lives and what not, and to suddenly have that someone call to tell you he/she remembered your special day. My day seems to be looking up from that moment onwards.
After Jay's haircut, we went down to Starbucks for coffee and just to chat. Not long, my best friend Colin came over and joined us. Jay and Jerald left soon after as they had school the next day. After awhile, both of us went down to Jln Kayu for supper and then it was back home for me.
And the suprises did not end there. My dear baby sister actually baked a cake for me, with the help of her boyfriend. She actually baked a cake for me. I was totally speechless. Not to mention touched beyond words.
Not only did she bake a cake for me, she also made some sort of e-birthday card for me on CD.
I was totally happy.
I have to add too, that through the day, the below mentioned people have wished me a happy birthday, some of which i never thought would have done so.
Isaac - Phone Call
Hafiz - SMS
WeiHao - SMS
Jayang - SMS
Joey - SMS
Godma - Phone call
Qin'An - SMS
Jerome - Blog Tag
For those who have wished me on this day and i have failed to put down your name, i apologise. My memory is not what it used to be. Let me know and i will do the changes to this list.
So, at the end of the day How was my birthday?
It was PRICELESS.
Thank you, my friends. You make my life worth living, and my day worth looking forward to.
Monday, March 20, 2006
Monday 20th MAR 06 10:22pm
In a few hours time, i turn officially 26 years of age. Time flies. Before i even realise it, i have been living on this planet for more then two decades. How do i feel about this? Well, more on that later.
The last week has been eventful. And it's more towards my Aikido training then anything else. A few lessons back at my Dojo, i have been trying to train up my juniors for their first grading in this martial art. At the end of the day, i look back and asked myself "Am i a good instructor?" Have i been clear and concise on the techniques and styles? Have i performed those techniques correctly and clearly?
I would like to think i did. In anycase, this was a one off thing anyway. After the grading is over, i will not be "training" the juniors anymore. They would have already gotten their next higher grade and only an official instructor can guide members who are above the grade of white belt.
Saturday was a busy whole day. Went down to the newly opened Bukit Batok Civil Service Club for a bowling game held by my hobby club Startrek. It's actually more of a tie-up between Moviemania.com.sg , Starwars.com.sg and Startrek.com.sg. Of course, my fan group startrek.com.sg did not win anything. Almost none of us are bowlers. But it was the interaction that was fun and worth the time and effort.
After the games, we went down to Tiong Bharu to catch the movie "V for Vendetta".
It was AWESOME.
Watch it for the dialouge, watch it for the mystery, watch it for the comedy, watch it for the action, you name it, it's there. The writting and the dialouge is wonderfully done. It made me crank my ear and many seconds JUST to understand the sentences spoken by the main hero guy. The movie is not too dragey, it has interesting plots and suspense to keep the viewer wanting more. There are many twists in the movie itself which will really throw you off your guard too.
In terms of money spent, it's totally worth that 10 bucks.
This movie gets a 5/5 from me.
Sunday was grading day. Went down to HQ by 8:30am to help them with the set up and grading day. I myself was grading for my Brown-Gold belt that day. It went on quite smoothly for me. Albeit very draining. The whole grading took about 2.5 hours JUST for our grade alone. Getting the next higher grade is really not simple. Of course, i really hopped that i could have gotten a double promotion as a birthday present for myself, but hey, everyone is entiltled to dream his/her own dreams right? LOL.
Went to watch "Dorm" after that. And yes, i went ALONE again.
Dorm invoked mixed feelings from me. One, the sadness and feeling of loss and betrayal when you are suddenly torn away from your own family and placed in a boarding school all by yourself. Like as if you were suddenly of no value, suddenly no longer loved. invisible.
Second, the reservations and difficulties in trying to assimilate into a completely new enviroment. New people who may or may not like you enough to be your friend. The pranks and bullying that one has to endure and suffer before he/she has "earned" the right to "belong" and get accepted.
Third, the sense of great fear and isolation when you have no one to turn to with ALL these problems. And so you try to open up to the only other boy in school that seems to give you a damn. Only to find out that this boy isn't even alive.
Dorm had touched me in many ways. One would never have expected by watching the trailers for this movie that instead of being a horror movie, it's actually a very strong movie about friendship, courage and love.
A ghost trapped in a never-ending loop forcing it to relive it's death EVERY DAY for as long as it is walking the earth. The strength of a human being, determind to save his friend from purgatory. The two characters can never be more far apart. But yet, they still bonded as friends. With the living one willing to risk death itself, just because his friend, nevermind that he's dead, is in trouble.
Do YOU have such a friend?
Dorm gets 5/5 from me too.
These two movies. Go watch it.
TRUST ME. You WON'T regret it.
After i watched Dorm, i realised something. I have lost touch with myself. I do not know who my friends are. Really. How many numbers can i call from my handphone?
I do not need a big and fancy party to celebrate my b'day with. Just someone special in my life. Make my B'day meaningful and worth remembering. Alas, people i love or care about don't even give two hoots to me.
My birthday is just hours away. Who can i share my happy moment with? it is traditional to make a birthday wish on a person's birthday.
I really dun wish for much. I just want my special day to be with someone i love. Just for a simple meal, a little movie, and a heart to heart chat.
TOO much to ask for?
Sometimes, the simplest wishes are the ones most impposible to come true.
Monday, March 13, 2006
Monday 13th March 06 11:20pm
Ok i know. It's been awhile since i last blogged. Seriously, my life is very mundane. nothing much to write about. Ok, maybe there is, but it will most likely make you go to sleep then anything else. Since my last entry, i'am waiting to get back my old job with my parent's company. At the end of the day, a healthy income every month is the most important to survive in this country isn't it?
But even as i havetotally nothing to write about, i HAVE to think of something. Becasue i'd like to think that i do have some avid readers to my blog. Firstly, i have decided to shelf my novel writting simply because it's been so many days yet no one seems to be interested. Why not? well, read my previous entry and you will know.
During the weekend i had a Anniversary BBQ gathering with my Dojo mates at Pasir Ris Beach. It was alot of work, and i had a good time going back into the kitchen again to cook. Yes. I CAN cook. No self respecting Pagan practioner can't COOK. What with all the potions and faerie foods one has to prepare for the various Pagan festivals of the year. But i just got down to cook a batch of Bee Hoon for my Dojo mates. I'am glad that they all liked it. It's been a long time since i really cooked anything for anyone. LOL. Looks like i still have my "touch". Hehe. For dessert, i cut up 6 snow pears for them to bite on.
A good number of them turned up and we had a great time. At least, i would like to believe we did. The food we prepared was just right in my view. At least we did not have any leftovers to worry about.
The March holidays are here aren't they? Hmm.... so what have you guys thought of doing for your holidays? For me, there is not much for me to do except to train hard for my Aikido grading next week. Honestly, i'am not very confident this time round. I suppose taking up the appointment as my Dojo's AsstLeader has it's own sacrifices. I had to train the juniors who are also going for their grading, and during my own training day, i have little chance to really train for the grading because i'am the lowest grade amongst the senior class i'am in.
Shit happens huh..... I just hope that i am given abit of luck NOT to be the one to perform first during grading day. At least.... i will have a certian advantage. Will have to see how lar.
Over at home, my parents just went on a week long vacation to Thailand. Good for me. 6 days of peace for me.
On a personal front, Jon kept asking me to train him up for Aikido grading. Unfortunately, he does not seem to be putting in any effort at all. Twice in a row he cancelled on me at the last min. And i made my way back to Pasir Ris on BOTH occasions. I can only go so far for people. They will have to put in the effort themselves, isn't it? Oh well.
On a happier note, my B'day is coming up soon this month. Hope that i can at least spend my b'day with someone i love. Hmm... who can i "date" out huh?
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Tuesday 28th FEB 06 10:10pm
I visited Vietnam during the weekend for a business trip. Initially, the idea was to see if there are any worthwhile business i could do there and if there are, then i would place myself there permanently. It was firstly to "escape" my life here in Singapore. Too much heartache and bad memories here. Sure, i WILL miss my friends here. However, sometimes a person is just too tired with his current standing where he is at and needs to move on to something new. Not forgetting, i'am still on my Walk-About. This is a chance for me to see new things, and hopefully, find myself somehow.
My destination was Ho Chi Minh City in Vietnam. The flight was only abit less then 2 standard hours from Singapore. I took Tiger Airways. I'am on a budget. LOL. My filght was unfortunatelly delayed due to some air show going on at the airport. Basically, the trip was smooth.
When i arrived at Vietnam, I was in for a culture shock. My guide took me to a hotel in district 5, at The Windsor Plaza Hotel. It was supposed to be a 5 star hotel. Now, the standard of living in Vietnam is laid back. Therefore, their idea of a 5 star hotel is only about a 3 star hotel back home. During the 40 min drive to my hotel, i was suprised to see that there are way too many motorbikes and bicycles moving on the roads. In this country, cars have to GIVE WAY to the bikes. They do not obey the traffic rules, and some can even ride their bikes AGAINST the traffic AT YOU. So do not even THINK about driving in Vietnam if you are a foreigner. Whole families of four to five people can sit on the SAME motorbike and travel will ease and skill.
There are also barefooted kids begging on the streets. They will just put out their hands at you and rub their stomachs or put their fingers together and point towards their mouths. It's a real sorry sight. I was approached by no less then 10 of these kids in one day alone. I could not give them any money, even though i was really aching in my heart. The reason is very simple. If i were to give just ONE of the kids money, the whole gang of them will rush at me and beg. I have to be "heartless" to protect myself from being swamped by those kids. I am a visitor in another country. I HAVE to protect myself from unneccessary harm. It's really sad, but true fact of life.
This got me thinking of us back home. Before i flew to Vietnam, i have read an article about how BuangKok MRT station was opened due to the mass petitions of the public who SWORE to use the station if it was ever open. When the station was FINALLY opened? Less then 20 people were seen using the station even at peek hours. Now, why is it that w singaporeans have to make so much noise about something to be done for us, yet, when we get it, we totally don't give a damn to it? The people's reason for not using the station? "Too Quiet", "Too scary", "there are no nearby amenities". We have ALOT of excuses to justify why you won't do this or that, don't we? When the government really gives the people what we want or demand, we just treat it like a god given right and happenstance. Are we really so pampered we become ignorant?
And then in Vietnam, people do not have the luxury of a proper road, a well policed traffic condition. Yet, they make do with what they have, and are very mindful NOT to cause any accidents to one another. It's really amazing i tell you. Hundreds upon hundreds of motorbikes just inches away from each other, yet, they are able to handle their bikes with ease and skill, and you hardly see any accidents at all. And they manage. DAY by DAY. The riders over there don't even wear helmets. Kids as young as 14 years old are able to ride the motorbikes around. It's CRAZY. The living conditions of some of the people are also very old and undermaintained. Rusting windows, broken doors, rotting foundation. People selling fruits on the roadside, kids begging barefooted walking on the hot pavements and roads. Really, how can we NOT feel lucky?
My business trip brought me to a candy making "factory" maned by only a handful of female workers making the sweets by hand. Over there, the girls outnumber the boys 6 to 1. Don't ask me why. I can't answer that question. It just IS. And then i was brought to a fruit farm, and then a paper box making factory, and lastly, a few hotels. Basically, the manpower wages there are cheap. About only SGD$150 - SGD$250 per head per month. But, The hidden costs are alot.
As a visitor, if i were to do business there, i will need to first get a driver, then register a car, get an interpreter, pay government taxes and buy off the officials with "coffee money" JUST to ensure a smooth START-UP of a business there. If you do not buy off the officials, your paperwork for your business can take as long a 2 years JUST to get PROCESSED for the FIRST level. Essentially, you are treated like a 2nd class citizen there. Our dollar may be strong there, but the amount of money you have to spend JUST to get your business running is no joke.
I am far too young and inexperienced to do something like this in a country such as Vietnam. One must know where his/her abilities lies. This is way out of my league. But i have brought back with me valuable experiences that will help me make better and more informed decisions in the later part of my life.
Honestly, I went on this business trip partly on impulse. I was feeling horrible with the things that have happened with me these few weeks. Now, even my friendship with BoonYong may be in danger of breaking up. He's just ONE example. There are still many others i do not wish to name. Ultimately, in OUR sociaty now, it's still a taboo thing to be different. Even with the latest airing of the gay movie Brokeback mountian, i believe it will still be a long time before people like us are truely accepted for what we are.
Now, i'am working towards getting my old job back, and training hard for my Aikido and my passion for acting and hosting. I may even do some writting if i can find the time.
Here and now, i have a little request. For those of you who has my MSN address, if you are willing to support me in writting my first novel, please put in your MSN nick header : [MoD3RaToRs]™∈☰ , like what you can see in my current MSN nick. It will help me out alot. Thanks.
Well..... that's all i can think of to write now. Really very tired after my trip. But i suppose i owe it to my faithful readers to submit and entry every now and then. LOL
See, i'am really not a bad guy after all right?
So who wants to be my soul mate? Any takers?
Friday, February 17, 2006
Thursday 16th FEB 06 12:35am
A very long time ago, even before legends were born, there lived a prince of a very wealthy country. He had everything a young boy in his time could ever ask for. Wealth, status and looks. He had servants taking care of his every need, from hand to foot. He was happy.
Soon, he was of the age to get married. He had many women to choose from, the pretty girls coming from all the neighbouring cities for his choosing. He was also lucky. He managed to pick a humble, loving and hardworking wife as a partner. The wife was loyal to him. Loving him and taking care of his emotional and sexual needs with empathy and sincerity.
But as he grew older and more attentive to the world around him, he felt he was missing something day after day. But he had everything. What could he possibly be missing? The feeling of loss nagged at him strongly, day after day, week after week, month after month. Finally, he decided he could not take it anymore and, on one clear night, he packed a small bag of belongings and left his grand palace and city secretly. He needed to find what he was missing. He needed to put his mind at ease.
He traveled for days on end. Outside of the proctection of his palace and kingdom, no one reconised him as the prince. He was attacked and robbed of his possesions and left with only his clothes on his body and a worn out sandle, he had no choice but to carry on with his journey as he is.
After 1 year of traveling, he stopped by one day at a small tea hut and sat under a rock to beg for food as he has been doing for the past year. People walked past him and a few barely noticed he was around. Finally, an old lady walked up to him and place a dried bun on his hand. "Here, young man, take this bun. Fill your hunger." said the old lady to him.
The prince was touched by this stranger's act of kindness to him and thanked the old lady. He kept the bun inside his worn out robes and left his sitting area, thinking to enjoy his bun quitely in one corner.
But it was not to be. As soon as he took out his bun, he was attacked by other beggers who were hiding amongst the bushes shielding themselves from the scorching afternoon sun. The prince tried to fight his attackers off and save his bun. But there were too many of them and he was already weak from malnutrition. The attackers left him bloodied and sore, lying on the roadside.
The prince, filled with anguish, looked to the sky and lashed out at heaven. "I have forsaken my life of wealth and comfort to find that which has been nagging me for a long time. I have hurt no one, done no wrong. Yet, why do you, heaven, treat me so unfairly?" The prince was angry, lost and afraid. He was confused. He was too tired to carry on with his journey.
And, as if an answer by the heavens, the sky grew dark and lightning struck. The prince watched in amazement as a flash of mighty lightning struck a huge fig tree and yet, the tree was still standing, undamaged by the attack from the heavens. But wait, the tree then begun to glow, as if inviting the prince to take shelther under it's leaves, for by now, huge pallets of rain has already started to decend upon the ground.
The prince crawled to the tree. When he reached the tree, he felt warmth and safe. He was also very exhusted from his earlier attack. He fell sleep.
The prince had a dream that night. In his dream, there was this bright light. And as the bright light spoke to him, the prince felt the power and love of the voice. A voice that calms him and made him listen to the words that were soken.
"My child. You have heard the call of your heart and seek to understand the emptiness of your self. You have been through alot. At this time, do you still wish to continue with your search for the answers in which you seek?" The voice asked.
"Yes. Please, please, please help me. Help me find that which i seek, for i know i am not complete without it" Was the prince's reply.
"Very well. If you are really certian this is what you seek, then stay under the fig tree. For as long as it is necessary, until then, will you find the answers you are looking for."
And with that final sentence, the prince found that he was back under the big fig tree and that the sky was clear once again.
And so the prince took up residency under the fig tree. He drank the dew from the leaves, ate the fruit from the tree and the tree's huge leaves granted him protection against the hot sun and the rain. He was also able to see, from where he was sitting, the happenings around his area. the things that people do and say. From there, he understood many things from his observations. Before long, he was able to advise people that come by to him with questions.
3 years passed, and as word of the prince's wisdom spread, more and more people came to seek an audience with the "wise man" under the fig tree.
One day, a bandit came up to the prince under the tree and, pointing his huge, blood stained sword at the prince, demanded that the prince leave his spot and give it to him for shelter.
The prince looked up at the bandit and smiled. "All you need to do was ask, my friend." With that, the prince moved away from his spot and sat on the hot ground under the sun, in front of the bandit.
The bandit laughed at the prince and, along with spitting at the prince, scolded him "STUPID". The bandit then went about making himself at home under the prince's fig tree. All the prince's followers were stunned and shocked. Why had their wise teacher given up the place which he had called home for so many years?
The bandit stayed on for the next 48 days. All the while spitting and cursing at the prince for his silly actions of staying under the sun.
On the 49th day, the bandit called out to the prince. "Hey stupid!, Do you want your tree back?"
The prince once again smiled and replied "Yes, if you are done and satisfied, i wish to have my tree back."
The bandit made a sinster face and shouted at the prince "Alright, stupid. strip off your clothes and kiss my feet and i will let you have your tree back!"
Again, the prince smiled and replied, much to the shock and amazement of the bandit and the crowd of people that have gathered around the tree, "Alright, if that is what you wish. I will."
And without a second word, the prince stripped off his clothes and knelt down and kissed the bandit's toes.
At this, the bandit asked incredeously, "Stupid!!! why did you do it? it's just a tree! why?"
With that, the prince again smiled and replied. "This tree has fed me and sheltered me for the past 3 years. It has helped me understand the world around me and in return, i was able to help others. Just like it has fed you and sheltered you the past 49 days. It is a tree that does not discriminate between good or evil, just that everyone deserves to have a place to feed and rest. It has given me so much. By baring my body and kissing your feet, it is not even enough to pay for the interest of the wealth the tree has given me."
This time, It was the bandit who smiled. "my child, you have indeed filled your self with that which you seek." With that, the bandit turned into the golden bell Arhat.
At the sight of this transformation, the prince got on his knees and bowed to the powerful entity, his eyes filled with comfort and joy. " Oh great Arhat, have you come to teach me more?" asked the prince.
"No, my child. I was sent to you by the Lord Buddah himself. He wants to see you, and teach you personally, if you are willing."
"YES! yes, great Arhat. i am willing, and so are my students and followers."
"But there is one last test you have to go through before you can come with me, my child."
"which test would that be? oh great Arhat?"
But he was all alone. The golden bell Arhat was gone, and so was his followers. All gone.
The prince looked around himself, confused for a moment. And then he heard it.
"My husband!!!" called out a women's voice.
The prince turned around and reconised his wife. Apparently, his loving wife has never stopped looking for him ever since he left his palace. "My dear wife!" called out the prince. The two of them held each other in a tight embrace, tears flowing freely between them.
"I have been looking for you everywhere, my husband. I am so glad to have found you at long last! Please, come back with me to the palace, your whole kingdom awaits!!"
"You spent the last few years looking for me? why?" enquired the prince.
"Why? because you are my husband! because i love you! and you have a kingdom to rule and i want t be by your side as your wife!"
"I see" said the prince. "I am sorry. I cannot go back with you. You do not love me. It was all an illusion"
"What?!" The wife said, tears forming in her eyes. "But i have spent all this while searching for you, afriad that i may never see you again. I Love you with all my heart. How can you now be so heartless and say such things like that!"
The prince once again smiled and said "Do you really?"
"YES!!! I SWEAR by it!" came the confident and fast reply.
The prince nodded, and, right infront of his wife's eyes, turned into a woman.
"Do you still love me now?"
The prince's wife was speechless. "But... but thats not possible... that's not supposed to happen..." she stammered finally.
"You do not love me, my wife. You love my face, my body and my name. Yet, you do not love that person that is inside of the body. What is visible to your eyes may be nice to you now. But that will grow old and wither. Will you still love that which is broken or changed?"
"I can be male today. And i can be female tomorrow. Will you love me the same as you would yesterday?"
With that, The prince dissappeared in a flash of golden light. Leaving the wife to finally understand the truth of those very words.
The prince was none other then the Goddess of Mercy.
My friends. We can always say we love this or that person. But at the end of the day, what IS it that we really DO love? what is it that we really DO appreciate?
Let me know when you have the answer.
Or is my story too deep for you to understand?
Monday, February 13, 2006
Sunday 12th FEB 06 12:40am
It's strange. It's not too long ago that my best friend told me about his plans to settle down in Indonesia with his Boyfriend and build their own villa there. Before i know it, this coming Tuesday would be Valentines' day. Now, i've NEVER had the good fortune to celebrate Valentines' day in my life. At least, not the kind of celebration one would associate with the occasion. Has anyone one of you ever celebrated Valentines' day? Was it memorable? Did you have a good time with that someone you love?
You would be lucky. Say what you will, even if, at the end of the day, you broke up with that partner of yours, you cannot deny that at that moment in time, it was just the PERFECT day/night for you isn't it?
It is also interesting to note that Valentines' Day is also known as "International Friendship Day." I suppose it's created to fit in people who have no dates or have no life outside of their own computers or books. Why do you think we people make up such names and such special days? For the normal folks, it's just a special day to put in the excuse to say "i love you" to the one you love, or to just get together and share that special day together. For the business minded, it's where the consumer dollar comes in. Resturants will put up special set meals for two, telcos will put up one-for-one handset offers. So really, when you think about it, is Valentines' day really about 2 persons being together, or just an excuse to spend money to line other people's pockets?
I have never had a girlfriend or a boyfriend to share this special day with. Honestly, i long to try out what it is like to be with that one other person. To window shop, to talk, to have the candle-light lunch/dinner at some middle class resturant, to watch a movie. Simply, to share that moment together. Heck, i don't even mind if my date lasts for only ONE freaking day. But i suppose that was not to be. Logically speaking, people or, more accurately, couples would have ALREADY spent time together this weekend, seeing as how this year's V-Day falls on a weekday. So by right, i am ALREADY late. Isn't it?
But wait. Let us not forget International Friendship Day. Then again, this would only work for people who DO have friends. I'am not saying i DON'T have any friends. But you see, even friendship has their chart levels. There are those "Die-Die-cannot-lose" friendship, the "I-hate-him-but-i-need-him" level of friendship, then there is the "he-is-same-class-as-me" friendship, and the "Hi-Bye" level of friendship, amongst others. I don't even register under the "Hi-Bye" level to most of my "friends". Why? because they have other friends they are close to who they are more comfortable to be out with.
It's true. Just look at my phone book. People will already have plans or just won't reply my SMSes. Forget SMSes even. In MSN also refuse to reply.
What a joke.
I hope that one day, someone will call me up and say "Hey James, free to come out for coffee?" or "Free for a date James? Just you and Me."
That will be the day i turn straight.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Tuesday 7th FEB 11:50pm
Have you ever felt anger? As in, REALLY angry? To the extend that you turned into a totally different person? And this anger just sprouted, out of nowhere you can think of, and during your outburst, you do things that you will look back and regret later? If you have, then you have been jinxed. By an entity known as Tempest.
Tempest has the power to fuel anger and hate. Once he senses your anger, your hate, he can increase that emotion and turn it all to rage. He feeds on the negative thoughts that results. He gets stronger with every hurtful word spoken, every punch delivered or worse, a life taken. The victim will get disorientated, confused and shocked at what he/she has done in the end. And the person will be left to face the consequences later by him/herself.
Is there any defence at all against an entity as powerful as this? The answer is YES.
Knowleage and an opened Heart is the key.
Tempest has no power against those who KNOW about his exsistence. His power can also be nullified by the power of the Heart.
A person who accepts things as it is and has self control will be able to defend against the power of Tempest. But that alone is not easy. Sometimes, even the best of us can fall prey to his influence.
Today was my turn.
I had an arguement with my mother over the tenant at my Pasir Ris flat. It was just a small matter regarding rent and the move-out date of the tenant. However, things soon went out of hand and i said certain things i should not have to my mother in the heat of the moment.
I was easy prey for Tempest. Knowing the relationship i have with my mother, it's no wonder there had to be a fight. I only realised too late that i have lost my temper. I ended up lost and confused. Why did things have to turn out this way again? why must there be fighting and arguing again?
When you get lost and confused what do you do? How do you deal with it? Do you find someone to talk to? Do you keep quiet? Do you hit the wall with your fists? Do you take your friends or family as your emotional "punching bag"?
I do not have ANYONE to talk to. Or rather, i do not have anyone i know who can help me with my situation. It's ironic isn't it? I keep telling my younger peers that i will always be there for them... Yet, when i have problems of my own, i have NO one to turn to except myself.
It's true. I am not happy at all staying with my mother in the big white box. But i had a plan. I decided to move in to gain something for myself. To get a better life. To be rich.
Yes. I do not deny it. We all NEED money to survive. Why do you think people work hard and study their asses off in school, and fight for that "A"? It's because they want to live a good life in future. To be able to live comfortably when they come of working age. People cheat, steal, rob and murder for what? You think it's for fun? No, it's for money too.
People like Father Kang (That priest that was convicted of CBT and jailed) and Mr T.T Durai (That discraced NKF Ex-CEO) also wanted to enrich themselves. Are they evil people at heart? No. Greedy? YES.
I have an opportunity here for me to make use of, to take. If i dun try now, then i won't be able to have the funds to do the own things i like and want. My "step-dad" has this opportunity to offer me.
True. I DO feel as if i am being sold now. But there is no free lunch in this world. No matter how i hate their attitudes and the way they talk, i have to swallow it. I have to bear with it. In order to achieve what i want to in life, i need to make certian sacrifices. My pride, my dignity, my self.
And Tempest KNOWS this. That is why he could leverage on this weakness of mine and work his power on me.
For those who KNOWS the exsistence of Tempest, It's all that easier. When you feel that you suddenly have a surge of anger out from nowhere, you just need to take deep breaths and say out the word "Tempest".
Trust me. You will feel differently INSTANTLY.
As a person grows, He/She will face Tempest sooner or later.
Ask yourself. Do you want him to WIN? or would you want him to not have control over you?
The power is really in your hands.
Of course there will be readers here who think i'am talking bull crap. What Tempest demon and all that shit.
You know what? You don't have to believe me. But ask yourself this. If you believe that god exsists (For those readers with their own religions) Or, You believe there are unexplainable things that DOES happen in this world (For those readers without a religion and believes in science and what they can see with their own eyes),
Why can't you believe that Demons or evil things exsist too?
Hey, You dun have to believe me or read my blog you know. No one forced you to read my entries. No one is forcing you to believe what i write either.
Believe it or not, Your call